Lindsay Ross Blog

Best advice I’ve ever heard about parenting

Today was one of those mom days. I was tired. And frustrated. And discouraged. And even the sound of a kid talking to me made my ears want to explode. Yes, I typed that out loud.

I just wasn’t up for the whole mom gig today.

Then while sitting in the splash zone of my 2 year olds bath, I found myself reading one of two blogs I follow and I was irritated (which has never happened before with that blog) and even more discouraged. Because she had the perfect pictures and the perfect experiences and the perfect words to describe her life.

And it made me think of how hyper-aware we are, with this Internet/technology connected world, of what all the other parents are doing. And the adventures they take. And the perfect days they have. And the messes they let their kids make. And the cruises they go on. And the games they all play together. And the huge trophy their ridiculously talented child just won. And the schedule they keep. And the meals they prepare. And the dream jobs they have.

But after I tucked my kids into bed, rocked my baby to sleep (and hid in his room for a few minutes), assured my 9 year old her pinkie would indeed not fall off in the night from severe pain, and my 7 year old would not starve before breakfast, I sat for a second and thought how lucky my kids are. And how lucky I am to be their mom.

They are loved. They are told they are loved. They are shown they are loved.

They are fed. They are adored. They have a warm place to sleep, clothes to wear, food to eat. Parents that think about their needs and futures all day long. Extended family that loves them. Books to read. Schools to go to. Great teachers and leaders who love them. Tons and tons of friends. And on and on and on.

And then I thought about the best thing I’ve ever heard (in multiple places) about being a parent. And something I think about nearly every single day. Multiple times.

God was intentional about where he placed his children and who their parents would be. And He gave me MY kids. For. A. Reason.

So when a neighbor, relative, friend, teacher, parent, stranger tells me my 3 year old shouldn’t have a binkie, I should let my kids “cry it out” to teach themselves to sleep, my kids have anxiety because I don’t leave them enough, I spend too much time exercising, I shouldn’t let her eat ice cream, I’m too patient, I should never let a child sleep in my bed, I can’t believe you let them…., you should be engaged with your child every.single.minute, you shouldn’t feed them that kind of food, you hold your babies too much, I think to myself:

“That’s why they’re mine and not yours.”

And occasionally I actually say it out loud to people who think they need to correct my parenting.

Because it’s true.

My kids are mine. And they need what I have to give. The real me. Not the imitation me. Not the me trying to be like other moms. But the me who can give them what I can give them. And do what I can do. And love them the way no other mom can. Because I am their mom.

So momma’s everywhere. May we all try a little harder to encourage one another more instead of discourage. And build each other up instead of tear each other down. And recognize we can give our kids something no other mom can. And may we all try a little harder to step up and be the kind of mom WE want to be and know we can be. Not the kind of mom others tell us to be.

And may we always remember we all love our kids. And we’re all doing the best we can with what we have. And doing what we think is best for OUR children. And what I do may not work for you. And what you do may not work for me. And THAT’S OKAY!!!

Instead of comparing and despairing (I totally just made that up), let us celebrate each other’s success’s. And remember to celebrate our OWN.

You. You, momma, are doing a good job. (I’m shouting that at you) Just keep showing up. Your kids are yours for a reason. Please don’t ever, ever forget that.

And as my friend, Glennon, would say “Carry on, warrior” momma’s, carry on.

“Real Life Stories–Women of Inspiration”. Kim

I first met Kim when she interviewed me to work at a new up and coming restaurant that was started by a family I adored. She ended up hiring all of my friends too. Which made for the most fun work environment I can imagine. We. had. so. much. fun. We worked hard too. And went through some tough challenges that taught us some valuable life lessons.

I immediately liked Kim and loved working with her for the next several years. She can make me laugh until I cry. And she’s CRAZY smart in business. The girl knows how to manage people.

She has a great sense of humor, positive outlook on life, courage, and a love for God. She’s about to be the mother of 3 kids under the age of 3. I wish her all the luck in the world with that. She’s gonna need it.

Super grateful I have Kim in my life.

1. Give me a quick peek at your story.

I married young (way too young) and in doing so I picked the wrong guy and gave him the wrong finger. Fast forward 10 years to when I finally found the right guy and gave him the right finger. After a bit of a struggle, we have now been blessed with 2.75 kids (#3 will arrive in June) in just 3.5 years. I am living my happily ever after, which is significantly less glamorous and more difficult than I envisioned….but every bit as rewarding as I dreamed.

2. Tell me about an “every day moment” you are grateful for:

Bedtime. It’s my favorite time of the day for a multitude of reasons. Not only I am exhausted and ready for a break and a little me time, but I love the nightly ritual of bedtime routines and then the quiet, intimate time with my kids as they wind down. I adore listening to my 3 year old say her prayers and the glimpse inside her heart and thought process it gives me. I love the snuggles and laughter of my very ticklish 18 month old. I love the wet kisses and back tickles, the stories, songs and the chance to reminisce about the best parts of our day and what we look forward to for the next. The best part is when they are finally asleep. There is something about a sweet sleeping toddler that leaves a lump in my throat and my heart so grateful that I get to do it all over again tomorrow.

3. What is one ambition you have right now:

Honestly, Survival. If I think about having three kids under three too much, it gives me serious anxiety. My ambitions are meager right now…. I just want to keep everyone fed, alive and relatively happy. And I want enough sweet moments in a day to help me keep it all in perspective. I’m praying for an abundance of patience and organization skills too.

4. If you could speak on anything to a large group of women, what would you talk about?

I think I would want to talk about the idea that we all need to be a little kinder than is necessary, because everyone is fighting some kind of battle. No matter big or small…. we all have our hardships and heartaches and trials and we just never know what others are going through. I think most of us could stand to be a little kinder, a lot less judgemental and overall to strive to lift others up, rather than the opposite.

5. What does the phrase “create a good life story” mean to you?

Make every day count. Enjoy the journey. Don’t take things for granted. Be an active participant in creating the kind of life story that you want.

6. Tell me something someone taught you that made an impact on your life

When I was going through my divorce, my sister got me a little decorative throw pillow that says “every end is a new beginning”. That struck me so strongly and became such a catalyst for change in my life and helped me to look forward while going through a very difficult situation. On a much smaller scale, I have thought about that in many situations in my life since then.

7. Name one event in your life that has made a significant impact on the course of your life story

My divorce. As devastating as it was at the time, it was the best thing that has ever happened to me and without a doubt has altered the entire course of my existence. I learned a lot about who I was, who I wanted to be, what was really important to me. It forced me to be very, very introspective, which is sometimes hard and uncomfortable. When I first met my husband Chris, I wondered why I couldn’t have just met him 10 years earlier and it’s because I wouldn’t have been ready. I had things I needed to learn and maybe couldn’t have learned them any other way.

8. What is something you want to accomplish you haven’t yet?

Travel to every continent. I have been a lot of amazing places in my lifetime, but I have so many more places on my bucket list.

9. What photographs are you most grateful for from your childhood or teen years?

I am the youngest of 8, so by the time they got to me… there aren’t scrapbooks full of pictures, so I am really grateful for ANY and ALL of the pictures that I have. However a few of favorites include a picture of me with my mom, grandma and great grandma. I also love the pictures I have of me with the amazing birthday cakes that my mom lovingly made for me each year. I also really love the pictures of me playing dress-ups with my cousins at my grandmas house, especially those that show us playing in her beloved “Hawaii Room”. I miss that place.

10. What are you most proud of?

Honestly, I am really proud of who I am. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I feel like I have learned from them and moved on stronger, better and more confident each time. I feel like although I often fall short, I try really hard to be a good wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, neighbor, teammate, etc. The older I get, the less insecure I become. I worry less about things that don’t matter and more about things that do and that makes me proud.

11. What is the best parenting advice/tip someone gave you?

Time management – If it will keep my kids busy for 20 minutes and it only takes me 5 minutes to clean it up… I just netted 15 minutes. Vice Versa….. if its destructive and only keeps them occupied for a few minutes, while it will take several more to clean it up… it’s a no-go. I’m all about what nets me a little free time.

12. Tell me something you are sure of

Diet Coke is bad for you, but so are a billion other things. And it’s really good. And I love it.

13. What is your favorite quote or your life motto?

“Write your sorrows in sand and your blessings in stone” – I don’t know who it should be attributed to. It’s written on a plaque that my mom gave me years ago and I love it because it reminds me that it’s okay to acknowledge my sorrows, heartaches or trials, but not to overly dwell on them. Focus instead on the blessings and all that is good.

14. What is your favorite part about yourself (not a physical trait)?

I love to cook and think I am pretty decent. I enjoy and take pride in providing a variety of well balanced, mostly healthy meals for my family.

15. What type of photographs do you wish you had more of?

I wish I had more of day to day life pictures of growing up. I also wish I had more pictures of me with my grandparents. I love and appreciate all that I do have, but the older I get, the more I realize how valuable pictures are as an accompaniment to memories.

16. What is something you do to help drive away fear or anxiety?

Cook, clean or read. Usually I can get into a zone and be in control with any of those things and it always helps bring me back to a better place.

(photo credit: Kate Benson)

17. What is your favorite part about being a mom? Your least favorite part (just keepin it real on this question–I know you love your kids)?

I love that I am the “mom”. I am the person that they want to “holdchu” when they are sad or sick or fall down. I am the one they come running to when I have been gone. I am the one they want to show and share their tricks and treasures with. I am the one they want to snuggle and read stories with. I’m the one that gets the cream of the crop when it comes to giggles, slobbery kisses and loves. It’s equal parts awesome, amazing, humbling and sometimes terrifying to be “the mom”.

Honestly, the rest of it is my least favorite part. The sleeplessness, the constant feeding, wiping, cleaning, sweeping, repeating, the diapers, the laundry, the whining, the messes, the oddly unpredicatable yet total groundhog day of it all. Someone once told me that 85+% of the” tasks” of being a mom were miserable and un-enjoyable, but that the other 15% totally made it all worth it. I whole-heartedly find that to be true! It’s the hardest, best job in the world.

18. Tell me something about yourself that may surprise people

I couldn’t swallow pills until I was in college. I choked on a jaw-breaker in first grade and was terrified to ever put anything in my mouth after that. Anytime I got sick growing up, my mom would have to ask for the gross bubblegum flavored liquid “kid” formula of any prescriptions I needed… even when I was a teenager.

19. What’s one thing you wish you would have known when you were younger?

It doesn’t matter what other people think. And being a grown-up is harder than you think… don’t rush it!

(photo credit: Maria Wood)

And for fun:

Favorite book: The Alchemist

Favorite family tradition: I’m big into traditions and I have a lot, but one of my favorites is our Bethlehem Dinner at Christmastime

Something you enjoy doing with your spouse: watching sports and traveling

Talent you wish you had: I wish I was a better swimmer and a better skier. Especially now that I have kids

Favorite meal: Almost anything ethnic and any meal that ends with dessert

If you never had to do one specific thing again, what would it be: put away the groceries

Favorite show on TV: Chopped, although it gives me so much anxiety and Modern Family

Something that scares you: the thought of losing anyone close to me

Favorite thing about your husband: he is the most consistent person I know and good to his very core

Something you can’t live without: I have a huge sweet tooth and always have a candy/treat stash.

What’s something you think about often: Whether or not I am teaching my kids what they need to know and stressing over doing everything I can to ensure that they become decent, kind and contributing human beings.

THANK YOU, Kim!!

To read more “Real Life Stories–Women of Inspiration” interviews, CLICK HERE.

Enthusiastic about Life

A man I had just met for the first time told me I was “enthusiastic about life”.

He was right. I am, most of the time.

And thankfully, Mya seems to have inherited my enthusiasm for life and put it on steroids. This girl LOVES life. She smiles as though her face may burst. She takes her sweet time in everything she does (which can sometimes be maddening, but usually reminds me to slow the heck down).

She does her own thing and doesn’t need other people to validate her. She takes things as they come. Care-free. Kind. Full of laughter.

She tells stories better than anyone I know.

And she makes the best faces.

Man, I love her. My “enthusiastic about life” buddy!

My truth about running.

I spent some time watching the Live camera on the Boston finish line on Monday. It was a much different experience than the year before, when I was glued to the TV and on the phone hoping my friends who had run the race were okay.

This year, I was tracking 2 of my cousins and a friend and was hoping to see them cross the finish line. Running the Boston marathon is a BIG deal. And I hope I can do it one day. Just gotta shave large amounts of time off my race pace. 🙂 But watching all those people cross that finish line got me thinking about running. And why I’m compelled to do it.

Here’s the truth about running for me.

It’s not always easy. Or fun. In fact, more often than not, it’s HARD. And it hurts.

But there’s something about running that cleanses the soul. Clears the mind. Squashes the stress. And makes life feel just a little bit (or sometimes a lot) better.

Running is a lot like parenthood. 90% of the time it’s hard. And painful. And sometimes you’d rather not do all that hard stuff. But then there’s the other 10%. The days where you feel like you could run forever. And you feel great. And strong. And “light”. And that 10% of running euphoria makes the other 90% worth fighting through.

I love to run. But I didn’t always feel that way. I remember one of my college roomates was an accomplished marathon runner and I used to think she was crazy. Why on earth would anyone want to run that far and hurt that much? And then I ran one. And I understood.

There’s something pretty profound about pushing your body to its limits. And forcing your mind to be stronger than the pain. The feeling that comes after a race (and even during) is why all those “crazy” people run long distance races.

And I don’t run every day. My main source of exercise when i’m not training for a race is either Insanity, T-25, or Body Pump. But when I really need some good think time and soul cleansing, I run.

The hardest part about running for me, is the first 5 or 10 minutes. Even though I enjoy running (usually when I’m done), it’s often hard for me to get myself going. And sometimes, I can tell within the first 5 to 10 minutes what kind of run I’m going to have. “This one is going to feel good”, or “I’m going to hurt the entire time.” But once I’ve determined how far I’m going, I always just do it. Good or bad. I do the miles.

If you think you weren’t cut out to be a runner, read the book “Born to Run”. You might change your mind.

Oh, running. It’s not just for criminals.

(All images were found on Pinterest)

Fear Not to Do Good.

I was reading scripture one day and came across these verses:

“Fear not to do good, my sons, for whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap. …

“Fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail. …

“Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.“

I remember thinking to myself, why would I ever FEAR to do good?? That’s such an odd thing to say.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I fear to do good all the time. I’ll get a thought to say something nice to someone and be embarrassed to say it. Or worry they’ll think I’m weird (which I am, but still).

I’ll get a feeling to stop by a friends house and check in on them, but then second guess myself and think I’m intruding or bugging them.

I’ll feel a strong impression to e-mail, text, or call someone, but I worry about what they’ll think. Or I won’t have the right thing to say.

Or I’ll feel compelled to pursue something in my life that could benefit myself, or even a lot of people, and I’ll resist. Out of fear. Out of the unknown. Out of uncertainty.

The truth is, I fear to do good all the time.

But once I realized this about myself, I decided I was going to try and change.

So now, with any thought that pops in my head, I ask “is it good?”, and “will it help someone else?” and if it passes those two questions, then I tell myself “then do it.” It’s not always easy, but I am trying.

Now for the record, I have a LOT of things pop up in my head, and most of them are good. Realistically I don’t have time to do all of them. But I do as many as I can. And I fight the fear that often accompanies those things (even if they are seemingly small).

If it’s good, do it. Fear Not to DO GOOD.