intentional living Archives - Page 5 of 14

Why it’s so hard to take “good” pictures of your own kids

There’s a reason, well several reasons, why professional photographers tell you not to attempt taking certain types of photos of your own kids.

The every day stuff is one thing. But when you try to gather them in one place and have them look semi-normal and do what you ask them to do, that’s entirely different.

My kids will never behave for me like they would for someone else. And my guess is, yours won’t either.

These photos should speak for themselves.

My kids:

Her kids:

Next time I’m hiring a professional. 🙂

More details on the reason behind these Funbooth photos in a future post.

“Real Life Stories–Women of Inspiration” Rachel.

I’ve known Rachel forever. We went to Elementary school, Middle School, and High school together and grew up in the same neighborhood. Though we didn’t have the same immediate circle of friends, I always really liked Rachel. One of those girls who was always kind and everyone seemed to like and gravitate towards.

She is currently a ridiculously talented photographer living in California (seriously go check out her work–photographers don’t come better than her), but has recently decided to sell all her things and move her family to Hawaii because she “couldn’t think of a reason not to”. That alone makes me love her even more. So much courage. And a desire to live an adventurous and authentic life. If you’ve just started a family, take a look at the benefits of a Nissan Pathfinder, and how it could help you to be more adventurous.

She is also an incredible writer. You can find her blog here.

I think you’ll all love this interview as much as I did.

1. Give me a quick peek at your story.

Born in Fairbanks Alaska. The northern lights were dancing in the sky and my mom was in labor with me for about 30 minutes. Wilderness baby, playing in mud, picking berries until we moved to Provo Utah when I was almost 5. Kissing tag in first grade, led to a couple of fake marriage ceremonies and plenty of make believe play until we moved to to Sandy Utah when I was 10yrs old. Kid to teenager, learned what self-conscious meant, made lifelong friends, danced, acted, cried over boys. Turned 17. Fell in love (for real). Found photography. Graduated from the University of Utah, studied English and Photojournalism. Got married. Bought a house. Got a divorce. Sold the house. Moved to New York City without a home, job or any friends. Sat on the steps of the Met in the pouring rain. Second chance. Found me. Traveled to Asia by myself for 2 months to take photos. Met a boy, met another boy. Kissed him and “fireworks”. Moved to California. Took a leap. Got married. Lived in a little blue house. Rain on the windows, after 48hrs of active labor I became a mom. Did it again 2yrs later except this time it was a Saturday afternoon and the light was pouring in. Work full time, mostly on trying to be my best self. Stay tuned.

2. Tell me about an “everyday moment” you are grateful for

So many. Most of them have to do with one on one time. I am really loving Nova hopping into bed with me every morning and talking to me in a really normal middle of the day voice, because she apparently doesn’t know how to whisper. She holds me and kisses me and looks at me nose to nose. I am also really loving after bath time with Fairbanks. He gets out and only wants me. I wrap him burrito style in a towel and we sway cheek to cheek while we sing and look at ourselves in the mirror. I love slow walks in the late afternoon with family around our neighborhood. That perfect gold light creating halos around each of them. It’s during these moments I wish I had a camera in my eyeballs.

3. What is one ambition you have right now

Most of my ambitions surround what I want for my kids right now. I am still neck deep in that baby making stage and so much of what I think about has to do with not only survival but creating really strong roots for them so they can feel secure and confident. I also find, as a creative person, my goals are always growing and changing. I have come to the realization that satisfaction for me probably won’t happen, but It’s in that unrest that I find so much drive to add and develop things I am passionate about as I go. Right now one of my ambitions is to be able to drop my daughter off at a school knowing she will thrive and the teachers are good people. Another ambition is to shoot with a lot more honesty. Not shoot for others or popularity or praise…but shoot what matters to me and my heart. Those are the images I will never regret taking. Did I answer the question? 🙂

4. If you could speak on anything to a large group of women, what would you talk about?

Maintaining and developing intimate relationships that matter. Conquering fear. Intentional parenting. Communicating through photographs. Creating self esteem through photography. Creating positive birth stories for your babies.

5. What does the phrase “create a good life story” mean to you?

I have been thinking about this subject so much lately. To me it means living an intentional life in a way that I am proud to talk about. Successes and failures. I want my kids to be proud to talk about the life they lived and we tried to provide for them. I want the focus to be on being close as a family and finding happiness wherever we can. I want our story to be full of triumphs…to do this we have to take chances and calculated risks.

6. Tell me something someone taught you that made an impact on your life

Growing up I never heard my Mom gossip. I am serious. She never talked bad about anyone. She was honest and upfront but she didn’t do it at the expense of other people. I was always so proud of this fact and it made a huge impression on me as a young girl. It really helped me try and see people in the best light possible and to build others up and not tear them down. It is easy to get trapped into jealousy and envy BUT if we are concentrating on being happy for others and appreciating them for their best qualities it is a lot easier to love them. I’m not as good at this as my Mom but I hope to pass this quality on to my children as well. I want to be somebody that when others are around they leave feeling better about themselves. I want my kids to develop this skill as well.

7. Name one event in your life that has made a significant impact on the course of your life story

Oh man. So many. I would say going through the annulment with my first husband was the catalyst for so many big events. It created an understanding in me that helped me relate to so many others in ways I hadn’t been able to before. I developed another layer of empathy that I hope has been able to help others in similar tough life situations. I then turned my life upside down by moving to New York City to essentially start over. I can’t even begin to imagine what I would have missed had I not made that leap. I made some of my most dear friends. My photography career grew and my calling to create was solidified. The love and attachment I found in that city healed me and I will forever feel a deep love and attachment to the people and places that connected with me during that time. Since then, because of the amazing effect it had in my life, I have tried to be brave when making big life changes. I know that doing brave things usually leads to gold.

8. What is something you want to accomplish you haven’t yet?

I really want to have a gallery showing of a body of my work. A body of work that really means something to me and what it is sharing. That would be amazing. I also want to reach an ideal fitness level. Would be so empowering to push my physical and mental body to that place.

9. What photographs are you most grateful for from your childhood or teen years?

I love the ones that show me in my living environment. Ones that show what my homes looked like. All of us around the dinner table. My bedrooms. I love one of my mom holding me as a newborn. My dad shot it through the window and you can see Alaska. I really love the everyday images of us just being a family and me just being me. I could really care less about any of the posed, studio weird family groupings. Lifestyle images of us actually living are far more meaningful to me. I also want to say that my parents didn’t take anywhere close to the amount of images I shoot (obviously) but I don’t care. I love the ones they did shoot. I think keeping any of those memories is great. I don’t need a million. I am just glad I have some. Lesson learned: Shooting something is better than shooting nothing.

10. What are you most proud of?

Without a doubt giving birth to both of my kids…and as a runner up surviving the grief that happens after a divorce/annulment. One birth pushed my body and mind to it’s limits and the other my emotions. Going through both proved a strength in me beyond my ability to understand.

11. What is the best parenting advice/tip someone gave you?

Trust your instincts. Put down the books and see what feels right to YOU. If it feels off, it probably is. If it feels right…go with it. Of course this is not an exact science but it helped take some of the pressure off. Becoming a parent is so overwhelming but what most people aren’t reminded of is their innate ability to care for others. We were made to do this! With a good village surrounding you for support, and trust in yourself you can be a successful parent. But trusting yourself also means knowing when to ask for help and seek answers.

Also, learning to “acknowledge” our children is probably the best piece of advice there is. I think listening, acknowledging, seeing our kids, is the most important thing they need. I think if most people did a better job of acknowledging pain and happiness and any and all emotion…without judgement…we would all be more connected and closer to each other. This is big in our house and something all of us try to practice with each other.

12. Tell me something you are sure of

1) My deep deep deep connection to my kids. I was meant to be their mother. 2) During one of my final photojournalism classes in college, our teacher gave an assignment to keep a photography journal. Everyday we were required to write about what we were thinking as it relates to photography. I was relatively new in my photography journey and in my mind I thought “there is no way I will have something to say everyday…I like photography but I don’t think about it everyday”. Turns out I was dead wrong. I did think about it every day and a lot. I couldn’t stop writing about light I was seeing and color and feelings and insecurities and ideas etc etc etc. When the end of the semester came I had chills as I wrote a final paper about my journey. It was during that class and that journal assignment that I truly felt my calling as a photographer. I didn’t know why or how or to what end…but I knew without a doubt that I was meant to create and communicate in this way. That knowledge has been one of my greatest gifts and has given me something to hold on to when I doubted myself or my journey.

13. What is your favorite quote or your life motto?

Happiness is a choice.

I was travelling in Vancouver during an especially hard time during my early 20’s. I had been struggling with the idea that others’ agency and choices could so greatly affect my own life..and I had no control over the decisions others made that impacted me so. It was the worst. I walked into a little jewelry store and while browsing I came across a little necklace that had a single silver rod hanging from the chain. Etched into the side of that rod in an itty font were the words “Happiness is a choice.” Light bulb moment. Not that I didn’t already know it, but it was the exact words I needed to hear at the exact time. I couldn’t control others. I never would. But I could, without a doubt choose happiness. And choose my own decisions in order to always guide me back to happiness. I felt a weight lift and hope was restored. Of course I bought the necklace.

14. What is your favorite part about yourself (not a physical trait)?

My genuine interest in other people. I think I am pretty good at asking questions and actually caring about the answers. Complete strangers often tell me a lot of personal information about themselves. I feel grateful they feel they can trust me so quickly. I think this definitely plays into why I love to photograph people. In order to have your photograph taken you have to be vulnerable to a certain degree. I think I am good at helping people feel comfortable in vulnerable moments.

15. What type of photographs do you wish you had more of?

Gah. More of everything. It doesn’t even make sense but I want a photograph of everything I’ve ever seen in my entire life. At times it can be so overwhelming…my desire to document and remember. It takes a lot of self control and thought mastery for me to let go…and remind myself that memories are kept in a lot of different ways. Having kids just made this problem worse! Everything they say and do is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I just hope it all sinks in and when I need to remember and re-live I will be able to.

16. What is something you do to help drive away fear or anxiety?

Talk. Plan for the future. Think ahead. Or simply just educate myself. Most people just fear what they don’t know. By knowing more, there is less to fear. I find that being outside really centers me. Going for a walk or just sitting on our front stoop can be so calming. A sure fire fix for tension in our family is watching the sunset at the beach. Nothing fancy, just some ocean air and pretty light. Always makes me feel so much more hopeful about life.

17. What is your favorite part about being a mom? Your least favorite part (just keepin it real on this question–I know you love your kids)?

My favorite part is by far the intimate connection I feel with them. It’s something I have wanted and looked for my entire life. Closeness with people I love. I have found it with other people..but not usually without a fair amount of effort and time but with my kids it was instantaneous. It was then that I realized, “ So this is what I was looking for”…I was searching for my kids. Just their existence has filled a void inside of me. Like the missing puzzle piece. My least favorite part, cleaning up! Making meal after meal after meal. I know I have nothing to complain about since I only have two but Grant and I both feel like all we ever do is wipe the floor under his highchair and scan the fridge and cupboards for meal ideas. Meal planning stresses me out and I love food! Its hard working full time and wanting to do full time mommy stuff. Hard to find all the time. I need to start meal planning one day a week and sticking to it. I can’t believe I am going to have to figure out what they will eat everyday until they are 18. AHHHHHHHHH!

18. Tell me something about yourself that may surprise people

More and more I am realizing I have a lot of very introverted tendencies. My most creative times are when I am alone or in very small groups. I would always prefer a small group or one on one interaction over a large party with a lot of small talk. I need a fair amount of alone time to center myself and think. But on the flip side I am really comfortable talking to strangers, being the center of attention…maybe I am a bit of both.

19. What’s one thing you wish you would have known when you were younger?

I wish I would have been able to more fully enjoy my sexuality and younger physique without the guilt associated with it. This probably sounds super scandalous…I just wish I didn’t spend so much time feeling guilty or bad about exploring, testing limits etc. I was, and am, a moral person. So much time wasted feeling guilt and not just appreciating the free thinking spirit that I am.

And for fun:

Favorite book: Lost Horizon by James Hilton

Favorite family tradition: Christmas candles on Christmas eve where we light the candle of the person next to us and tell them why we love them. It’s the best. Always tears.

Something you enjoy doing with your spouse: Eating fun and new food, traveling to a place we have never been. Watching our kids together and knowing we made something awesome.

Talent you wish you had: Wish I was a better singer and could play the guitar. I love singing and do it all day long. Would be nice to strum along to my melodies.

Favorite meal: Papaya with lime or anything made with yeast.

f you never had to do one specific thing again, what would it be: wake up before 7 in the morning

Favorite show on TV: So hard. For past shows it would have to be Star Trek The Next Generation, Battlestar Galactica, LOST and Top Chef.

Something that scares you: Of course losing anyone I love, but I was just mentioning to Grant the other day that spiders and sharks have kept me from doing numerous things I know I would love.

Favorite thing about your husband: How quickly he forgives and moves on. If we get in an argument and I were to say “can we forgive each other and move on?” 9 times out of 10 he would jump at the chance and give me a big hug. I find this so admirable. I like to hold on to things and think way too much about crap…but if I crack one smile his whole body relaxes and he immediately feels better. Love him for this.

Something you can’t live without: Cheese and sunsets at the beach with my family.

What’s something you think about often: What I can do to help my children grow to be happy, confident adults. There is nothing I want more.

Thanks again for doing this Rachel!! I know how busy you are and it means a lot to me that you believe in what I’m trying to do with this blog.

If you want to read other “Real Life Stories–Women of Inspiration” interviews, click HERE.

Sorrow that the eye can’t see.

Here’s something I’m sure of. Everyone has their “thing”. Or multiple things. Those things that make their life hard. Everyone’s life is hard. Life itself is hard.

And one person’s “thing” isn’t any more significant than another person’s thing (or things). We all suffer. We all grieve. We all hurt. We all struggle.

We all long for connection and love and acceptance.

In a discussion about suffering with my friend, Natalie, she said:

“God doesn’t ask us all to walk the same paths or suffer in the same ways. He only asks that we walk in unison, together, bearing another’s burdens that they may be light.”

In one of my favorite hymns we sing at my church it says:

“Who am I to judge another
When I walk imperfectly?
In the quiet heart is hidden
Sorrow that the eye can’t see”

We all suffer. We all grieve. We all hurt. And more often than not, we can’t always see that suffering in others. But it’s there. I promise you that. Sometime’s we think someone has it all together, or their life is easier than ours. Or we don’t understand why people act the way they do, or say the things they say. But I’m sure they have their “things”. And they don’t have it all together. And they don’t have an easy life. We all have sorrow that no one sees.

So we walk together. And lift each other up. And bear each other’s burdens and lighten the load. Because whether we see it or not, it’s there. Sorrow, that the eye can’t see.

“We create to find out what’s true”

Let it be known, writing articles for this blog is not always easy for me. Sometimes, it’s actually quite hard. And super uncomfortable.

I grew up not sharing many emotions. So doing that on this blog doesn’t come naturally or easy for me.

But I’m trying to embrace being intentionally uncomfortable. Because apparently it’s good for growth. At least that’s what people keep telling me.

Writing in a space like this can be risky. People seem to think that commenting on facebook, or a blog post doesn’t hurt people when they say something mean. Or maybe they do know it hurts people and they do it anyway. Regardless, writing, especially about things of the heart, is a vulnerable adventure.

I fully recognize I may not always be right. But I write to find truth. And in the moment I write something, that IS my truth. In that moment.

Each day, sometimes each moment, I change. And become someone new. And writing helps me grow. Writing helps EVERYONE grow. Whether you share it with the world, or keep it to yourself. Writing seems to make things more clear. It helps me find truth.

I read the following quote about writing and it was a perfect nudge to keep on doing what I’m doing. Because I believe in building a community of people around this blog who want to live intentional lives and create better life stories.

“Don’t waste your time, energy, and heart defending yourself. Not because your’re not wrong, but because of course you’re wrong. Anybody who doesn’t know that we are most certainly all wrong is a little scary to me.

Luckily, art is not about right and wrong. We don’t create to find out what’s right, we create to find out what’s true. Right now. Not forever, right exactly now. And what’s true is whatever was born inside your moment of creativity. Create your true thing and then let it loose into the world to do what it will….

Every moment I’m someone new. This is why we writers never stop writing. Not because there is new material–but because WE are new material”
Glennon Doyle Melton

Everyone’s a writer. And everyone is a “creative”. Whether you know it or not. So if you’ve considered it, give it a whirl. It may just change your life.

“Real Life Stories–Women of Inspiration” Kathy. My MOM!!

In honor of mother’s day this weekend, I asked my mom if she’d be a part of my women of inspiration series. I had a feeling she wasn’t going to be happy about it. Annnnnnd she wasn’t. But she did it anyway cause that’s what mom’s do for their kids. And I’ve really honed my persuasive skills.

What I didn’t tell her was that I just wanted a chance to show her off to the world. She’s generally quiet and reserved, but she’s wise, funny (yes, Mom, I definitely think you’re funny), a great listener, and full of integrity and love. She has the best singing voice of anyone I’ve ever heard (and I’m not even biased), she’s crazy smart, and an amazing writer. She also plays a mean game of trivial pursuit and could mop the floor in Jeopardy.

My mom was the perfect mom for me. She just let me be me. No force. No objections. No pushing or pulling. She just loved and accepted me for who I was at whatever phase I was in (including the really long phase where I was as tom-boy as girls get). That’s a pretty incredible thing to do as a parent. And I am so grateful to her for that.

Mom. I love you. Thank you for doing this interview for me despite the curse words I imagine you said under your breath. Or out loud. I learned more about you and I am SO proud to call you my mom. Happy Mother’s Day weekend!!!

1. Give me a quick peek at your story.

I, Katherine Jane Easton Thueson (aka Kathy), was born in Payson, Utah, of goodly parents who had temporarily left their California home for a job in Utah. My mom and dad came from families of 13 and 10 children respectively, but I have only one sibling, a brother four years older than I. I grew up in San Fernando, California. The Los Angeles Unified School District had split-term graduating classes. In the second grade, I was skipped from B2 to A2 because of my incorrigible behavior, aka boredom, which put me in a February graduating class from high school 10 years later. After high school, I attended Los Angeles Valley Junior College for a year and a half. I then went to B.Y.U. for four years, graduating with a Bachelor’s Degree in Fine Arts. . I majored in Speech/Drama and minored in music. I went back for a fifth year to get a teaching certificate, finally realizing I had to have some marketable, life-sustaining skill beyond perpetual student. Six months later I went to Hawaii where I taught at Farrington High School in Honolulu for the next three years. I met my husband there between my second and third years. We were married at the end of the third. We spent the next seven years in the military in El Paso, Honolulu, and Salinas, California. Three of our children were born in Honolulu. Post Army we moved to Blackfoot, Idaho, where we had three more children during the almost 10 years we lived there. Our final stop has been Sandy, Utah, where we have lived for 29 years.

2. Tell me about an “every day moment” you are grateful for.

I love my early-morning personal time. I get up before the sun, have a good long visit with the Lord, read from the Book of Mormon, and gear up for the day. Of course this is a luxury I have only been able to afford indulgence in since there are no longer children to get off to school and a husband off to work, and a tired mom to bust out of bed after a restless night with a sick child.

3. What is one ambition you have right now?

I want to do some serious and successful Family History work. Time is running out. I will sooner rather than later be meeting my departed relatives and I want to make sure I know who they are, and that they have no cause to be mad at me because I didn’t get their temple work done.

4. If you could speak on anything to a large group of women, what would you talk about?

I would encourage them to take advantage of every opportunity to protect their own singular and individual identity and to relish it, to continue to use their inherent and developed talents and gifts regardless of age or parenting and marriage demands, and especially to maintain their ability to provide an income or contribute to one if necessary, preferably doing something they love.

5. What does the phrase “create a good life story” mean to you?

I agree with the premise that our sojourn on this earth is our story, perhaps made up of a series of smaller stories. How that story reads or plays out largely depends on choices we make, opportunities we seize, obstacles we conquer, adversity we overcome, negative temptation we choose to thwart.

6. Tell me something someone taught you that made an impact on the course of your story.

From a beloved drama professor at BYU: never apologize for being unprepared. Avoid the need to apologize by meeting the deadline, being as prepared as possible, doing the best you can under the circumstances, and as gracefully as possible accepting the outcome.

7. Name one event in your life that has made a significant impact on the course of your life.

My mother bargaining with me to get me to go to college. When I finished high school, having had a less than challenging educational experience, I was so not interested in going any further. She begged me to just try one semester and promised she wouldn’t try to further persuade me if I didn’t like it. Reluctantly I agreed. To both of our surprise, I think, I got involved in a music program in a local junior college that opened up a whole new way of my looking at the world.

8. What is something you want to accomplish you haven’t yet?

I would like to finish an embarrassingly high number of stored quilt and needlework projects in various stages from barely started to almost done, some of which go as far back as my early years in Hawaii.

9. What photographs are you most grateful for from your childhood or teen years?

Events of import, like graduations, recitals, early vacations, family reunions, departed loved ones

10. What are you most proud of?

Almost 45 years of marriage to my continually amazing and eternally patient husband, our six wonderful children, our five cherished in-law children, and our twelve and a half beautiful grandchildren.

11. What is the best parenting advice/tip someone gave you?

Trust your own maternal instincts, particularly when evaluating unsolicited advice from well-meaning friends who may not yet even be parents.

12. Tell me something you are sure of.

Time passes, no matter with you do with it, or it does to you.

13. What is your favorite quote or your life motto?

“Be kind to everything and everyone, including oneself, all the time, with no exceptions.”

14. What is your favorite part about yourself (not a physical trait).

Perhaps my sense of order and my all-consuming quest to achieve it—which can also be a curse.

15. What type of photographs do you wish you had more of?

Pictures of friends from the past, some of who I have even lost track of or who have died.

16. What is something you do to help drive away fear or anxiety.

Take a deep breath, try to distract myself with something I love, and pray a lot—not necessarily in that order.

17. What is your favorite thing about being a mom? Your least favorite part?

I love seeing the growth process, the evolution from dependent child to amazing, intelligent, creative, independent adulthood. I hate having to observe, but largely be unable to do much about beyond probably inadequate comforting words or a listening ear, disappointment or emotional disaster.

18. Tell me something about yourself that may surprise people?

I really do have a sense of humor.

19. What’s one thing you wish you would have known when you were younger?

To not take myself, or life, too seriously.

And for fun:

Favorite book: “My Grandfather’s Blessings” by Rachel Naomi Remens

Favorite family tradition: Sunday dinner at our house with the whole family

Something you enjoy doing with your spouse: going to movies

Talent you wish you had: drawing, at least well enough to play Pictionary without getting scorned

Favorite meal: Honeybaked ham, baked potato, cooked spinach, Caesar salad, chocolate cake

If you never had to do one specific thing again, what would it be? Clean a bathroom

Favorite shows on TV: “NCIS” and Nightly News with Brian Williams

Something that scares you: heights, general anesthesia, singing solos in public

Favorite thing about your husband: his consistent ability to make people—anyone—laugh

Something you can’t live without: a good book to escape into

What’s something you think about often: how very blessed I am

Thanks Mom!! I owe you. A lot.

To read more “Real Life Stories–Women of Inspiration” interviews, click HERE.