The deep dark abyss of potty training

We started potty training 6 weeks ago.  Because of his personality, I knew he would be my hardest one to potty training.  He’s proving me right.

After 6 weeks, he has pooped in the potty 3 times.  I’ll let you do the math on how many times he has NOT pooped in the potty.  Pee isn’t a problem.  Serious problem with the pooping.

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I am open to any and all tips you brilliant parents have on how we fix this situation.  I’m not going back to diapers.  We’re too far in.  If you have a suggestion, leave it in the comments and I’ll love you forever.  For the record, he is not motivated by treats or toys.  I’ve tried.  And he does not poop at the same time every day.  Way more info than anyone wants.

And if you don’t have great suggestions and you just want to lament with me in the comments, that’s great too.  It’s a lonely dark world in potty training hell.

 

from the daughter of an addict

If you haven’t read the first post I did about addiction, I recommend you read that first HERE so you understand why I’m posting these articles.

 

This is written by the daughter of an addict.  It’s real.  It’s raw.  It’s honest.  Her father unfortunately never permanently overcame addiction and it eventually took his life.

 

Here it is:

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“I’m the daughter of an addict.

That’s a pretty loaded sentence. 

So, maybe I should start at the beginning.

I have exactly two, blurry pictures of my father and I before the age of 9. I was an infant at our first official meeting and I was wearing a pink fuzzy romper. Even though it is out of focus, I’m pretty sure my father was smiling. The first time I remember meeting him, I was nine. It occurred to me halfway through my flight that I would be meeting my father and stepmother and that maybe a recent picture of him would have been nice, because I had no idea who I was looking for when I walked off the gangway. 

The reason it took nine years for me to really meet my father was because it took him that long to get sober. My father was an alcoholic.

Often, growing up, my friends would ask why I don’t have a dad. By the time my friends knew to ask this question, I knew I couldn’t tell them the truth, because I was ashamed that I was made of the same stuff as an addict. I would tell them things like, “he’s fishing in Alaska”, or “he’s a spy” (very original, I know).

From the lies, stemmed a need for perfection. Best grades. Best athlete. Best friend. 
I was labeled “Type A”, and “competitive”. Most people said it would serve me well once I found “my” place to channel all that drive. Mostly, I thought that if I were perfect, no one would guess that my father was an alcoholic. 

My father was sober for about five years. I visited him during the summer and winter breaks from school. He was smart, adventurous, funny, and the only other person I knew that could talk as much as me. He taught me some of my favorite lessons, and made some of my favorite childhood memories with me.

Then, when I was fourteen, I called him to wish him a happy birthday. Only, my step-mom informed me he didn’t live there anymore, and had started drinking again. Despite her and my mom’s words to the contrary, I was pretty convinced that I hadn’t been enough to keep him from drinking again. 
The perfectionism continued, because I couldn’t let anyone know that I was the daughter that wasn’t enough to keep her father wanting her. My “drive” became my biggest weakness in high school and I struggled with depression my senior year. I took on too much, slept too little to make it all work, and never told a soul that I felt out of control. Thankfully, my appendix burst about halfway through senior year and after I was released from the hospital, my (incredibly smart) mother informed me I’d be pulling the plug on most of my activities and learning to “chill”. It was a good thing, and a turning point for me.

I never saw, spoke to, or heard from my father again. He drank himself to death a few weeks before I turned 21. 
During his funeral I was angry. I was angry that there was so many people there that had so many stories to share about him and I had next to nothing. I was angry that I had spent so long being ashamed of his addiction – and there were so many people celebrating his life.

But mostly, I was relieved. I was relieved that I didn’t have to wonder where he was. Or wonder why he didn’t want to talk to me, or why he didn’t WANT me. I was also relieved that his troubles were over.  One of my uncles (one of his brothers) said something very similar to me, the day after his funeral. It made me realize “Holy CRAPSTACKS! I’m NOT the only one who feels these things!” 
It seems small, and trivial, and in hindsight, obvious – that I’m not the only one who feels ashamed of addiction. Angry that someone they know is an addict. Not the only one who feels like they’re obviously not enough to keep someone from addiction. And, for me, and the loved ones of my father, relieved that he’s no longer troubled.

I’m forever affected by the title “daughter of an addict”. But it’s better now. I can use it for good. I can have real and honest conversations with my kids about addiction. I can own me and my feelings better now. I’m more confident, secure, and able to give more to the world than ever before. That is why I said yes to Lindsay’s request to write about my father’s alcoholism and how it affected me. Maybe this can be the uncle that says “me, too” for someone. If not, well, it was good to get it all off my chest anyway.”

The best kind of newborn photography

Newborn photography is my FAVORITE.  Especially when it’s a niece (or nephew).

If you’re having a baby, you NEED newborn photos.  This isn’t a want.  It’s a NEED.  Like more than diapers.  You’ll never regret these photos from the first weeks of their life.  When they were sweet, and new, and smelled good, and slept all-day-long.  Find a photographer with a style and personality you like and find the money for a shoot.  It’s SO SO worth it.

 

My brother and his wife welcomed this little lady a few weeks early and by an unexpected c-section arrival in the wee hours of the morning.  I was supposed to photograph the birth, but since it happened fast and in the OR, the docs wouldn’t let me in (some lame excuse about infection or something like that).

So I took pictures of the empty hallway until we got our first glimpse of the princess-to-be.

A few different slideshows below (click the arrows to scroll through the pictures).

The initial hospital photographs just moments after she was born.

 

Then we did a few at the hospital before she got to come home.

 

And then a newborn shoot at their home.

 

And just for the record, I don’t normally wrap newborns in lights, but she has enough pink to last a life-time and my brother likes to do weird stuff so we pinkified her just for fun.  She didn’t seem to care.

EIGHT Photo Display ideas for your home

I’ve been working REALLY hard the past year to take more photos of our every day lives, get our photos organized, backed up, documented, printed, and displayed.

I posted a series about how I’ve been doing this called “Picture Display Movement”.

I’ll be the first to admit it’s not easy and it certainly takes some time.  BUT.  It’s a HUGE priority for me so I’m making time.  Scheduling time.  And making things happen.

And now the walls of my home are filled with photographs that make my spirit happy.  And remind my children they are loved.  And remind our family of how amazing, funny, (and sometimes heartbreaking and disappointing) life can be.

Here are EIGHT different ideas (and a bonus at the bottom) on how to display photos in your own home to hopefully inspire some of you to get them printed and displayed.  

{For suggestions on where to print your photos, click HERE}

And if you want some great tips on how to immediately improve your phone photography, enter your name and e-mail in the side margin and I’ll send you TEN free tips you’ll love.



ONE.   Print your photos on matboard and display them on a shelf.  I like doing non-traditional sizes for my matboard prints.  This is 20×26.

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TWO.   Get a series of pictures (these are all photos I took at Lake Powell–my happy place) and put them in frames to hang on the wall in a row (horizontally or vertically).

I hung these on the wall using Velcro.  There’s a sticky side that sticks to the frame and a sticky side that sticks to the wall and then it Velcro’s together.  Easiest way to make sure the pictures are level and in line with each other.

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THREE.   Print on matboard and display it on an easel.

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FOUR.   Put all your Instagram prints on a print (using Photoshop or other photo-editing software) and display in a frame on the wall.

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FIVE.   Use various sizes of matboard prints (can you tell I LOVE matboard prints) and attach them directly to the wall.  The large picture on the left is attached using velcro in all four corners and in the middle.  The bottom 4 pictures have velcro on the top and are resting on the shelf on the bottom.

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SIX.    Use magnet boards (these are from IKEA) and print off various sizes (4×6, 5×7, and a few 8×10–you could also do square prints) and attach them to the magnet board.  I just have plain rectangular magnets but you could get cool fancy ones.

Every six months or so I print off new ones and rotate them in.

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SEVEN.   One of my favorite wall displays.  These are printed on standout boards (stick 1/2 ” out from the wall) but you could easily do this on matboard.  These are a series of pictures from my Funbooth session.  Just grouped them together.  

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EIGHT.   Printed 16 random pictures at Persnickety Prints in 2×2 squares.  Attached them to a wall by our toy room using Washi tape I bought at Target.

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For a BONUS wall display idea, click HERE and see what I did with hundreds of my 4×6 photos to make a super call wall display in my office.

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For more info on how to Organize, Print, and Display your photos, click HERE to read the Picture Display Movement series.

 

And if you want to stay up to date on future photo tips and other great life stuff, enter your e-mail and name in the sidebar (under “subscribe here”) to stay connected and get TEN free tips to improve your phone photography.

A few things we learned from our vaccinated daughter contracting whooping cough

I tend to shy away from highly controversial subjects in such a public forum.  I’m always up for a good discussion about most things, but I realize I can be easily misunderstood in this format.

{And this is NOT normally the type of post I put on this blog.  If you want to see what kind of beneficial things we usually talk about around here, click HERE and I hope you’ll join this incredible community}

Regardless, I feel the need to share a few things we learned from our 9 year old daughter having a confirmed case of whooping cough.  She has been vaccinated.

It started as a mild cough.  Just at night.  No big deal.  It progressively worsened in the evenings and throughout the night, disrupting her sleep.  It continued to get worse, lasting through the night AND day.  She had NO fever.  No cold symptoms.  NO WHOOPING sound when she coughed.

I thought it was allergies.  Or maybe asthma.  I had a doctor listen to her lungs for signs of asthma.  She sounded fine.

After about 3 weeks of this progressively unrelenting cough, I finally took her to her pediatrician.  After an initial exam, my doctor said she needed to be tested for whooping cough.

My response “But she’s been vaccinated”.

Because we live in an area  where increasing numbers of people are not being vaccinated, and because whooping cough vaccines can start to wear off between the ages of 9 and 11, there was a chance she had it.

So we tested.

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(at the beach after she was done with antibiotics but still unable to function much)

The next morning my doctor called first thing and said she indeed had a confirmed case of whooping cough.  She missed school for a week while she was on antibiotics.  She was also on an inhaler and steroids for her lungs.  She had already been going to school for the past TWO WEEKS while she had it because we had NO IDEA it was even a possibility.

The health department called and asked me a bunch of questions.  We e-mailed all our friends, family, church members, and entire neighborhood.  A lot of people panicked.  And rightly so.  I answered a LOT of phone calls and e-mails.

Thankfully no one else we had been in contact with got it (as far as we know).  We were all lucky.

When the doctor told us she could have the cough for up to 100 days, I teared up.  ONE HUNDRED DAYS???

The cough is hard, persistent, and unrelenting.  Her biggest complaint was a sore throat from coughing so hard.  She coughed so hard she threw up for the first few weeks.  She couldn’t breath several times.  My husband and I took turns sleeping in the same room with her.  That lasted for well over a month.

I remember riding in the car with her during the week she was home from school.  She was coughing and coughing and coughing.  But she rarely complained.  I told her how sorry I was she had to go through this.  But I also told her that because of what she was going through, I had the opportunity to teach a lot of people about whooping cough.  And dozens of people I knew (adults) went and got their whooping cough booster shots.  And because of that, lives would certainly be saved.  She smiled at that.

Whooping Cough (also known as pertussis) is not generally fatal to 9 year olds.  But it is absolutely fatal to newborns who have not had the chance to get the vaccine as well as immunocompromised individuals.  When I first found out my daughter had it, I was sick to my stomach about who we may have exposed.  What if I had a newborn in my home?  What if we had been around someone else’s newborn and unknowingly exposed them?  Or my neighbor who is immunocompromised?

We did everything we were supposed to do and she still got it.

So.  I wanted to share a few things we learned and hopefully stop the spread of whooping cough.

1.  Whooping cough is a VACCINE preventable disease.  Meaning if we ALL get the vaccine, whooping cough starts to go away.

2.  The whooping cough vaccine differs from many other vaccines because it wears off.  So you have to keep getting it.  Small kids get several rounds of the whooping cough shot.  They get it again when they are around 11 or 12 (because it starts to wear off).  And ADULTS NEED TO GET A BOOSTER.  If you haven’t had one in the last 5 years, you’re due for another one.  And if you have any chance of being around a newborn, you NEED to get the booster.

3.  Immunizations are not 100% effective.  Immunity is not “either/or” but more accurately “more or less”.  Meaning you aren’t definitely immune, but the potency will be less if you were to contract the disease.   Vaccine’s are designed to increase your immunity to various diseases.  And again, if everyone vaccinates, the disease starts to go away.

4.  Studies linking autism to vaccine’s need to be looked at with great care.  From my understanding and research, they have no validity and many have been explicitly proved wrong.  But, coming from a friend who has a child on the autism spectrum as well as a child who died from a vaccine preventable disease, she said she’d take an autistic child over putting a child in the ground any day.  

5.  No man is an island.  Meaning the decisions we all make affect all the people around us.  So.  If you choose not to vaccinate your children, that is obviously your choice.  But it DOES affect all the people around you.  If everyone in my community was vaccinated for whooping cough, the disease would essentially leave my community and wouldn’t be an issue.  But because many people are choosing not to vaccinate, the disease lingers.  And when my kids vaccine starts to wear off, she is susceptible to picking up the disease from the community where it still lingers. Relying on everyone else around you to vaccinate so you don’t have to seems a bit unfair to me.  What happens if we ALL stop vaccinating?

6.  Whooping cough does indeed last 100 days.  And it sucks.  BIG TIME.  My daughter literally coughed for at least 100 days.  And it lingered even longer than that when she did anything active.  Like run 10 feet.  She’d burst into coughing fits.  Did I say it sucks?  It does.  Bad.  I can’t even imagine how horrifying it would have been if she were at risk for death.

7.  Whooping cough does NOT ALWAYS HAVE THE WHOOPING SOUND.  My daughter did not whoop when she coughed.  So if you have a persistent cough not associated with asthma or allergies, GET CHECKED.

8.  If you have a newborn, KEEP THEM HOME.  I know it’s SO hard to stay home, but infants can’t get their first whooping cough vaccine until they are 8 weeks old.  If you can keep them home as much as possible until at least then (and even longer if possible), I highly recommend you do.  And don’t feel bad not letting unvaccinated people around your baby.  I asked all the adults in my family go get their whooping cough boosters before they were allowed to hold any of my infants.  I didn’t feel one bit bad about that.

9.  If you have a child between the ages of 9 and 11 and they develop a persistent cough, call your pediatrician.  If they say it’s nothing but your parental intuition tells you otherwise, get them checked just to be sure.

Hopefully some of these things we learned will help others with their decisions to vaccinate.  I realize it’s not an easy decision and it’s REALLY hard to know what information is accurate on the Internet.  I think we all do the best we can with the information we have.

 

{And please remember that many people will obviously disagree with each other on this subject and think the information they have is truth, but there’s no need to call each other names (you’re stupid, you’re an idiot, you’re a troll, etc. etc.) when we disagree.  Please keep the comments kind.}

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