Lindsay Ross Blog

My Uncle Jim

This isn’t a typical post for me, but since this is a “lifestyle” blog, I figure I can kinda write whatever I want. That’s the whole point. And I appreciate my people (all of you) who continue to come back and hear what I have to say. I try to be mindful of everything I write and hope it helps people in one way or another.

My uncle passed away on Sunday. All the things I’ve thought about death and dying have changed a bit from this experience. His name is Jim. He’s my moms only sibling and though they didn’t get along well in their youth, they have since become best friends.

I’m leaving out a lot of details (feels too personal to share for all the world to read) but I wanted to at least share something. What to include and what to leave out isn’t totally clear for me, but I think sharing some moments of vulnerability and truth can be helpful (for the writer and the reader). So we’re going journal style-ish and hopefully it will help someone. Or at least someone can relate.

He was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year, but we don’t think that’s how he died. His liver shut down first. Then other organs. He was admitted into the hospital last Monday as doctor upon doctor tried to figure out what was wrong. He just got more and more sick. In the beginning we still had hope, but still encouraged my mom to spend as much time with him as she could. Saturday evening my sister and I were able to spend a few minutes with him. He was so sick. And barely able to speak. But I was able to give him a hug and tell him I love him. He knew who I was. I’m so grateful for that last chance to talk to him. And make sure he knew how much I cared about him. I’m also grateful I didn’t necessarily need that time to make sure he knew. The time we spent together throughout my life was well spent. And he already knew how much I loved him. But I was grateful for one last chance to say it.

By Sunday morning his body was shutting down. He said he was ready to go and doctors still had no conclusive reason why his body wasn’t working right. Any efforts to save him were stopped. Family and friends started to gather. There was no timeline. No definitives. No hope for life left. He was moved to a room in the hospital to accommodate larger groups of people. It’s interesting to me there are rooms like that in a hospital. The room they take people to to die. It was horrible and helpful all at the same time.

We took turns going in and out of his room. Standing by his side. Holding his hand. Sitting on the couch and staring into space. At times it was quiet. Other times it was louder as family and friends who haven’t seen each other for a while talked, joked around a bit to ease the pain, and reminisced about a life well spent.

The doctors said it could be hours. It could be days. I prayed it wouldn’t be days. Once you know someone isn’t going to live, it’s hard to see them continue to labor staying alive. Every ounce of my being didn’t want him to die, and at the same time, every ounce of my being wanted him to die quickly to end his suffering. And ours.

A little before 2pm on Sunday, his heart rate slowed. His breathing became more sporadic. My dad (who is a doctor), held his wrist and felt his pulse. “It’s almost time” he said. Everyone gathered around his bed. We just stood there. And watched. And waited. And cried.

I’ve heard stories about people dying in circumstances like this. I’ve seen it in the movies and on TV. Turns out it was nothing like I’d heard or seen. It’s impossible for me to put into words what it’s like to watch someone you love so much slowly lose life. As he took gasps of breath further and further apart, I expected it to be more peaceful. People say it’s peaceful. The truth: It wasn’t peaceful for me. It was hard. So hard. I wanted him to live. And I wanted him to quit trying to breath. I don’t even know how to explain those two very conflicting emotions.

And then he stopped. Stopped trying to live. And stopped breathing. His spirit left. His body stayed. And we all just stood there. Crying.

What do you do after someone you love stops breathing right before your eyes? I didn’t know. There wasn’t the urge to try and get him to breathe again. I knew it was time. But what comes next? What do you say? What do you do? Walking away and leaving his body there just felt strange. My dad went to get a nurse. She came and listened for a heartbeat. Then she left for the doctor. And we all just continued to stand there.

The doctor came to examine his body and it was time for everyone to leave the room. One last look, but he was already gone. The body looks different when the spirit leaves. Not sure how to explain that one either. It was him. But it wasn’t him.

I hope his children had a different experience than I did. I hope it was peaceful for them knowing their dad was about to join their mom who passed away in the San Francisco earthquake in 1989. He’d also been increasingly sick for the past two months (on top of the previous months of cancer treatments) so a relief from sickness and suffering was a welcomed one.

His personality changed over the months. His sense of humor left. That was the hardest for me. He has such a great sense of humor. It’s how we bonded. One time he took me to see a place he called Daffodil hill in California. Only when we got there (after what seemed like an endless ride) there were no daffodil’s. Must have been the wrong season. So every time I went to visit him, I asked if we were going to daffodil-less hill again. We loved to tease each other. Our relationship was built on it. So when I teased him for getting sick and landing in the hospital, he just stared at me. No response. That’s when I knew things were bad. And probably weren’t getting better.

I’ve been very pensive since he died. A close friend of mine lost her dad in a tragic work accident just last week and the two deaths have me thinking. About a lot of things.

People know we love them by how we act. By how we treat them. But it’s also so important to SAY “I love you.” Showing people we love them is obviously important. But telling them is too.

Watching someone die is hard. But oh how grateful I am God gave us that last chance to be with him. Enough time to say goodbye. But not so much time that the suffering became unbearable for him or us.

I don’t think anyone would say they love hard times, trials, adversity, but the times when our spirits are put to the test are also the times our spirits are knit together. I’m thankful I got to have this experience with my family. I think we’re closer having gone through this together. I think this is true of most hard experiences. It can pull us apart or knit us together. Although I felt so much sadness and unrest, I also felt so.much.love.

This has also made me increasingly grateful for photos. I know, didn’t think it was possible. But this experience reaffirmed the value of a photograph. When someone leaves, all we have left are memories. And photos. The photographs (for me) are the only way to hold on to the memories. Photographs have so much value while we’re all still alive, but they are priceless when someone passes away. Are we taking enough photos of the people we love? Are we taking photos with them? Are we taking the RIGHT KIND of photos?

Life is hard. Death is hard. But oh how grateful I am for the chance to be here. To meet the people I meet and love the people I love. I’m grateful for the life my Uncle lived. For who he became. For the friend he was for my mom. For the laughter and happiness he brought to my life.

His death makes me want to be a better person. To treat the people around me better. To be more intentional about how I spend my time. To show people I love them and to tell people I love them. I want to make a greater effort to accomplish my big dreams. And help my children and loved ones do the same. I want to say yes to adventure and worry less about things that don’t really matter. I want to DO more. I want to BE more.

Love you Uncle Jim. Heaven is lucky to have you. See you on the flip side.

God and prayers.

{This post was originally published on Or So She Says where I am a monthly contributor.}

A friend of mine, who is a divorced single mother, has been struggling with a big decision she needs to make. It will have a significant impact on her life and future as well as an impact on her family (specifically her kids). She’s really struggled knowing what decision to make. She feels confused. Frustrated. And definitely not at peace. She asked for some advice on how to make the decision. How did she know if she was making the right decision?

Another friend posed this question: “Do you believe in miracles? If so, do you believe they’re something we qualify for? If so, how?”

These two friends got me thinking. A lot. About life. And miracles. And God. And prayer. Why some prayers seem to get answered and others don’t.

I started asking myself some questions. How does God work? How do prayers work? Does God hear prayers? How do we know if we’re making the right choices? The ones God wants us to make. And how do we know when God gives us the answer to a prayer?

In regards to my friend making the big decision, I referred her to something I had written about this very idea. Something I’ve really struggled with in the past. How do we know if it (being any decision we have to make) is what God wants me to do?

The short answer comes from a simple scripture:

“For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.

Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;

For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their inheritance”

For the most part, I think God wants us to do what we want to do. As long as we’re anxiously engaged in a good cause, He doesn’t necessarily care how we go about doing that. WE get to choose. We get to choose with God. The power is in us to govern ourselves. And make our own choices. And do things that make our souls come alive. So we get to make a decision and go the direction we want to go as long as we’re going about doing good.

Some people don’t like that answer. They want God to just tell them what to do. They think God has a specific plan all laid out for us. That’s how I felt for a long time. But I’ve come around. Now I love this answer. I love that God trusts us to choose paths that make us come alive. To choose things we want to do and to bring good into the world in ways that uniquely fit us. It takes work to figure this out. To know in the first place what we want. To figure out our “why.” But it’s work worth doing. Answers worth figuring out.

My answer to the miracles question from my other friend: “Depends on your definition of a miracle. ‘An event not explicable by natural or scientific law’….I guess people say a miracle is something God does. But I think God governs through laws. We just don’t fully comprehend them. Does God do stuff we don’t understand through our human definitions of natural or scientific law? I say 100% yes. And I think some “miracles” happen because we ask for them.”

Her follow up question: “What do you think of the idea of ask and you will receive? Do you think that we neglect the opportunity for blessings and miracles the Lord would love to provide if only we would ask?”

This led me to one of my favorite things about prayer. My answer to her follow-up question: “YES! I think some blessings are absolutely conditional on our asking for them.”

The bible dictionary on Prayer says:

Prayer is a form of work. God is just waiting for us to ask. I think He expects us to figure out what we want and then ask for it. We may not always get what we ask for, but if we want blessings, if we want answers, if we want miracles, we have to put in the work to figure out what it is we want and WHY we want it. And then we have to ASK Him for it. We need to do the work first. Figure out the places we want to go, things we want to do, blessings we want to receive, and then we present it to God. Showing we’ve done the work and we’re willing to put in the time and effort to get the answer or the blessing.

Donald Miller said in his book Storyline, “I think we are spending a lot of time asking God to tell us what to do when the whole time He’s asking us what we’d like to do instead. I think He’s asking us what’s in our hearts, what makes us come alive, what ignites our passion and saves many lives.”

God assuredly guides and directs us. But the guidance often comes after we’ve done the work to figure out the direction we want to go. And miracles happen every day often because we ask. The key is to do the work to figure out what we really want, to ask God to help us get it, and to trust God will either grant our request or he’ll put on the brakes and let us know we’re headed in the wrong direction or asking for the wrong things.

FREE class to help take the overwhelm out of printing photos.

Hello my blog people. Have I told you Thank You for being here?? I truly am so so grateful.

I get a TON ton ton of questions about printing photos. And making albums. Getting photos off our computers and phones and into print where we can see them, appreciate them, and tell the stories of our lives. It’s a problem that the majority of us have, right?! Sooooo many photos. Not enough time.

I also get a lot of people who are incredibly overwhelmed by this and don’t know where to start. What photos do you print? How do you select those? How do you make sure the prints look good? What type of album should I make? And on and on and on. It’s hard. I get it. And can certainly be paralyzing when we look at the volume of photos we’re taking. How will we ever get them in to some meaningful order?

There IS a way.

So. I’m teaching a FREE class next Thursday, November 19th at 7pm in Lehi. It’s open to anyone who wants to come. If you take photos and you want them printed, this is for you. You just need to click the link below to register (so I get a semi-accurate count of how many people will be there).

Come alone. Bring a friend. Bring several friends.

The format will be casual. Here’s what we’ll cover:

**Where to start with printing pictures (some ideas on where to begin)

**How to choose which pictures to print

**Where to print photos

**How to make photos look better for prints so you aren’t disappointed when you get them back.

**What type of albums (or displays) to make

**The system I use to print my photos and how I’m catching up on YEARS of photos I haven’t printed. I’ll go into detail on what I do, how I do it, and my plans for the future to print more photos (one small section will be showing how to use the Project Life App–pretty much the best app ever invented 😉 ).

**How to get rid of any guilt associated with printing photos, making baby albums, creating albums for each kid, etc. NO. MORE. GUILT. Seriously.

**A few gift ideas using photos that you can use THIS Christmas (because gifts with photos are the best photos–the only ones people will never throw away 😉 ). And ideas on how to use photos gifts to get caught up on some of your photo printing.

I’ll also take time throughout the class and at the end to answer any and all questions photo related.

There’s something about printing photos. Physical, tangible photos that we can hold.

“When you have a printed picture, it forces you to slow down and have an emotional experience with that memory.” (Check out this video of the “dreadlock dad” who scrapbooks–love it)

Our photos matter. The process of printing them helps us create a better life story. We’ll talk about how and why that is the case.

If any of these topics interest you and you’re behind on printing your family photos and don’t know where to begin, REGISTER BELOW!! And bring your friends.

Click this link to register. It’s free and will certainly be worth your time. (I’m just having people register so I know how big the group will be)

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/pictures-matter-lets-print-them-tickets-19520724011

Feel free to e-mail me with any questions or if you have a specific thing you’d like covered in the class–I’m happy to help where I can. [email protected]

Great way to save and store your favorite recipes

I have a confession. Well, it’s not a confession for people who know me well, but for the rest of you–I don’t like to cook. At all. I don’t like to bake. I don’t really like being in the kitchen for any reason (except to eat–preferably food I didn’t cook). I wouldn’t say I’m a bad cook, I just don’t particularly like doing it. If a meal takes more than 20-30 minutes, I’m out.

Add that to my recent attempts to eat better more wholesome (real) foods around here (after watching the documentary Fed Up), it has put a huge damper on planning and preparing meals.

Speaking of planning meals, this meme made my eyes water I was laughing so hard.

Anyway. I digress.

I’ve been trying to compile all of our family favorite recipes, as well as find new recipes, to put them all together in an easily accessible way. To help with meal planning and also to make the process of cooking dinner each day a little less painful.

So I’m using the Project Life App (if you don’t know what this app is, you’ll definitely want to check out THIS) to make recipe pages for quick, easy, hopefully healthy-ish meals. I HIGHLY value eating together as a family each day so I’m trying to overcome my aversion to the whole planning, grocery shopping, cooking process.

Each time I make one of these meals, I take 5 minutes and assemble a recipe page using the project life app. They look like this:

Then I save them to my camera roll and put them in a “Recipe” album on my phone. I can easily access them from there.

I also like physical, tangible stuff, so I print off an 8×8 print (straight through the app or from Persnickety Prints) and put them in an album and am slowly assembling them there as well.

The great thing about doing it this way is a.) I’m saving all the recipes I want to use with our family in an easy, pretty way (if it looks good maybe it will make me want to cook it more–I dunno–wishful thinking mayble) and b.) I can also use these recipe pages I created as a gift for someone else. Print off some of the best recipes and put them in an album for a wedding gift, for a friends birthday, or just because. It’s also a great way to share the recipes via text with friends who ask for them.

For each recipe, I snap a photo of:

the ingredients used to make whatever it is I’m making.
part of the process of cooking/assembling
the finished product

Then I assemble the photos in a spread on the app (I use Design A for each layout), type out the instructions (or take a screen shot of the instructions from a web page/Instagram where I found the recipe), and save the recipe page.

Easy, fun presentation. And great way to save all the (easy) recipes I use for our family.

To see some good food finds I’ve shared here on the blog, you can check out this post. They’re good.

For more posts about getting/being healthy, you can check out the “Let’s Be Healthy” page.

“The life-changing magic of tidying up”

I pick stuff up. Like it’s my job. All day. Every day. Picking stuff up. It’s getting old. Actually, it got old years ago. I’ve had enough.

I had a little come-apart on the kids a few weeks ago. You know the “I’m going to throw all your stuff away if you don’t pick it up” speech. Pretty sure every mom’s had one of those. Or ten. And I was mostly serious. I’ve already started hiding things under paper towels in the garbage can. Now I’m thrown’ stuff away like it’s my job. Because I’m sooooo tired of picking stuff up.

I’m also tired of clutter. And things where things shouldn’t be. And drawers that are too full, shelves with things falling off them, and a basement that requires a tetanus shot before you go down there.

Too. Much. Stuff.

Months and months ago I said I was waging a war on excess. The war was never appropriately waged. The battle plan didn’t work. The excess lives on.

Then a friend recommended a book. It was unlike any other “get your life organized” book I had read. And I’ve bought into the idea.

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo.

Her claim:

Pretty bold statement. But I believe it. I’m buying into this. And I’m going to follow the advice in the book.

I’ve read my fair share of self-help, motivational, and business-type books. Nearly all of them address the space we live in. The need for order. The need to clear the clutter. Clutter, mess, dis-organization–it grieves my soul. But I’ve never come across an effective strategy so once the clutter’s cleared (if we even appropriately clear it), it STAYS that way. My friend manages their clutter by choosing the right storage provider. She tells me whenever she decides she has to much stuff, she simply loads up her car and empties it into her storage lot. Instant relief.

This method is different. So I want to share the cliffs-notes version of what I read (some of the things I highlighted in the book). Then I’ll share MY personal approach/strategy to this and then I have a little invitation for all of you reading this.

My guess is, if you’re reading this, you have FAR more than you need. If you’re like me, you have excess. Things that clutter up your life. Things that other people could benefit from. Things that bring NO joy to your life or home. It’s something I want to fix.

**My highlights (I still HIGHLY recommend you read the book so you can catch the vision yourself):

-The premise of the book is to clear the clutter by category instead of by room and to do it in a concentrated period of time.

“If you tidy up in one shot, rather than little by little, you can dramatically change your mind-set”

“You only have to experience a state of perfect order once to be able to maintain it.”

“The key is to make the change so sudden that you experience a complete change of heart.”

-Here’s her strategy for what to keep and what to discard:

“All you need to do is sit down and examine each item you own, decide whether you want to keep or discard it, and then choose where to put what you keep.”

“The whole point in keeping and discarding things is to be happy“

-Her rule for deciding what to keep (she refers to this process as the Konmari method): “DOES THIS SPARK JOY?”

Instead of deciding what to get rid of, you ask yourself “does this spark joy” and decide what to keep.

“The question of what you want to own is actually a question of how you want to live your life” (one of my favorite quotes from the book)

-The method:

Before choosing what to keep, collect everything that falls within the same category in one place. “Gathering every item in one places is essential to this process because it gives you an accurate grasp of how much you have.”

Then you physically touch each item, ask yourself if it sparks joy, and then decide what to keep (and what to discard).

Once you’ve done the sorting, you designate a spot for everything, keeping the same type of items in the same place.

Order for sorting per her suggestion: clothes, books, papers, komono (miscellany), and lastly mementos. After reading the book I felt there were some pretty big categories left out (which I’ll address in a minute)

This is obviously the condensed version of the book. And there are a few parts where she talks to her things that I’m not adopting (I get why she’s doing it, but it’s just not me–so I’ll leave the talking to the things part out–just get past that part if it’s odd to you and embrace the overall message of what she’s teaching). Maybe by the end I’ll thank my socks. Who knows.

There were some things that weren’t addressed in the book. Like kids. Anything relating to kids. There was no talk of toys which is a pretty hefty category in my house. I’m pretty sure NO toy sparks joy for me. More on that category in a minute.

**My approach. I read the book. I highly advise you read it first. Thinking of doing this for my whole house (we have a good-sized house with 6 people living in it which means we’ve accumulated FAR more than we need) is grossly over-whelming. I get that. But I really believe doing this the RIGHT way will have a dramatic effect not just on my home, but over my (our) life (and soul) in general.

So I tried to break it down into a more manageable plan.

I walked through my house and made a list of different categories I can sort by. Then I’ve made a time-line to complete each category (grouping smaller categories together that can feasibly be done together). My goal is to finish the entire house by my birthday (end of November). It’s ambitious. But I want to do it right and I want to get it done so we’re going for it (I’ve mostly convinced my husband this is a good idea). I think breaking it down into smaller categories, AND having a time line in place will be key in actually getting this done.

**The categories I’ll be sorting (these would all be individual based on the things you have in your house–just get a notebook, walk through the house and make a list):

Clothes/Shoes (each member in the family), Books, Medicine cabinet, kitchen cupboards (dishes, appliances), Pantry, Cleaning supplies (laundry and under sink), hair stuff, cosmetics/bathroom cupboards, blankets and towels, bags (suitcases, backpacks–I think my kids backpacks had babies–bags everywhere, duffels, purses), girls room stuff (knick knacks, etc.), desk drawers and cubbies (art and school supplies), games, papers (filing cabinets), kids school stuff, electronics (earphones, gadgets, chords, camera gear), toy room, downstairs cold storage, tools, boat stuff and sports gear, camping gear, holiday decor, home decor, gift wrapping, paper goods and party supplies, mementos (treasure chests, bins of memorabilia), and photos.

The hardest category for me will be the toy rooms (yes, I said roomS). Not sure how I’ll even handle those. If it was up to me we’d get rid of nearly everything but my kids still play with some of the stuff. We’ll see how we handle that one when it’s time (on the calendar soon). Suggestions are warmly welcomed.

My invitation to you, JOIN ME. Accountability is huge in getting something like this done. And everything is more tolerable when other people are doing it with us. Get the book. Read the book. Draft your plan. SET A DEADLINE to have it done. And check in and tell me how you’re doing.

If you’re already doing this, have done it, or want to commit to do it, comment below. Then we can all keep each other accountable to really do it.

If you’ve already been through the Konmari process, I would LOVE any tips/advice you have.

Another promise in the book and one I’m holding on to:

A home without clutter. Organized. Peaceful. Full of things that spark joy. A promise that if we do it once, and we do it right, we’ll never have to do it again. And a heart at peace so we can focus more on the things we’re meant to do. Not on picking stuff up and putting stuff away all.day.long.

To follow along on my progress with this, you can follow my Instagram account @ltross. When I’m all done, I’ll post a follow-up with tips and tricks I learn along the way!

Who’s with me? We can do this!!! Let’s make things happen.