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I am a professional starter.  I start stuff.  I get really excited about it.  And then I fizzle.  I actually really dislike this about myself.  And it’s time to work on it.  Like, really work on it.

So I chose a theme for my year:

I have this printed out and stuck to my computer so I see it every single day.  “Stick to your task ’til it sticks to you; beginners are many but enders are few.”  (card design is from the Midnight digital Project Life kit.  I added the text).

Now before anyone thinks I’m about to get all self-helpy on them, I’m not.  Well I guess I sort of am.  But stick with me.  This is change your life story stuff.

 

In conjunction with my new tradition of starting the year with a theme (see, starting stuff–help me), I have also decided this is the year I’ll tackle goal setting.  Dun dun dun.  I intentionally waited until after the year started to write this post.  Goals are not beholden to the month of January.  I started this whole process months ago.  I have never been a goal setter in the hard core sense of the word.  I’m not even talking about big goals.  Just goals in general.  I never write them down.  Just leave them floating around in my head.  And I often don’t finish/accomplish many of them because I’m not a finisher, remember.

 

I read.  A lot.  And there’s one thing I hear over and over and over.  SET GOALS.  And, this is a big and, WRITE THEM DOWN.  There’s obviously a lot more to the process, but that’s how it starts.  It starts by making the goals in the first place AND writing them down.

 

I don’t feel qualified to talk extensively about this process since it is my first real year of doing it (I’ve set goals before, but I’ve never been this deliberate or thoughtful about the process–just so we’re clear I’m not a total slacker).  But I wanted to share a few things I’m doing to hopefully inspire and help a few of you to join me.

 

Along with being a professional starter, I’m also a professional over-researcher.  I like to be prepared.  Over-prepared.  I would study for days on end before every test in school.  When I start something, I read, research, watch, listen to, ask, ANYthing I can relating to what I’m starting.  Some people might call it procrastinating.  I call it “I have to know every last detail about what I’m about to do”.

So before I began the process of coming up with and writing down my goals, I naturally found some resources to help me make this a more meaningful and useful process.  I hate reading vague stuff that tells you what to do but now how to do it.  So I looked for things that helped me take action.

This has not been a quick or rushed process for me.  Because I haven’t previously been an intentional goal setter basing my goals around my “why”, I wanted to make sure I was going through a process that was going to work.  It has taken me weeks, not minutes, to work through all this.

 

My first resource was “Storyline: Finding your subplot in God’s story” by Donald Miller.  I’m not gonna lie, that book is expensive as far as books go.  But it’s a practical guide full of action steps and information to help you CREATE a better life story.  And it played a huge role in my efforts to figure out where I’m going, what story I’m creating with my life, and why I’m creating it.  I’ve gone through it 3 times now.

 

The next was “Make it Happen:  Surrender Your Fear.  Take the Leap.  Live on Purpose” by Lara Casey.  I’ve been following Lara for years online.  She’s the real deal.  So much wisdom and guidance.  And she doesn’t just tell you what to do, she shows you how to do it.  Walks you step by step through the process of setting goals.

 

And the third resource I’ve been using is “The Power of Habit:  Why we do what we do in life and business” by Charles Duhigg.  I’m only half-way through this book but it’s fascinating to learn what a critical role habits play in our life.  Seemingly small habits can actually change our entire life through the “trickle down” effect they can have.

And if you haven’t listened to my friend’s TED talk, it fits perfectly with this book.  They both confirm the absolute necessity for establishing good, healthy habits so we can use our energy for things that matter most.

 

I’m also drawing on a few other resources, but these are the main ones that have helped me figure out what goals I want to go after this year.

 

So the next question is: to share or not to share when it comes to our goals?  Do we keep them to ourselves (but write them down of course) or do we share them with someone we trust.  Or, do we share them publicly or online to really hold ourselves accountable.  I’ve generally heard sharing goals makes people feel more accountable to do them, but this TED talk by Derek Sivers has me thinking maybe not.

 

Regardless, I’m still going to share just a few of mine.  Simply because I find it interesting to hear other people’s goals.

I broke my goals down into different areas of life:  Home, Family, and Personal.  And then some sub-categories within each of those.  I tried to keep the goals simple, and to a minimum.  I was realistic, but ambitious.  Setting S.M.A.R.T. goals.  Specific, Measurable, Accountable, Realistic, and Timely.

 

One of my goals for my family is to Meal Plan.  For the love, why is this so stinking hard for me??  I hate doing it.  And I’m not even sure why (except for maybe that I don’t particularly love to cook).  But I am a HUGE believer in eating meals together as a family.  And we’ve been working to slowly transition our family over to eating healthier.  In order to do that, you HAVE to plan.  So Meal planning is a big goal for this year.  And my husband’s on board so I’m hoping that helps. (Anyone have tips they want to share with me on how to get this done?)

 

And a few of my personal goals:

Physical goal:  Do a triathlon.  This is actually my “scariest” goal I’m setting this year.  I’m not super comfortable in water (without a life jacket on) and I don’t own a road bike.  So I have my work cut out for me on this one.  But for some reason, it just won’t leave me.  I’ve been thinking about this for months and months and it’s time to DO instead of think.  Please pray I don’t drown.

Spiritual goal:  Read the Bible from start to finish.  As a Christian, I feel like I probably should have already done this.  2015 is the year.

Business goal:  Finish creating and launch my online photography course helping moms capture the everyday stories of their family through photographs.  This is a labor of love and I believe in this course and the importance of it SO much.  So excited for this one to become a reality.

 

I also have a goal to create more habits.  I’ve never been a big stick-to-the-schedule, have a routine kind of girl, but I’m realizing more and more how helpful and necessary systems and schedules are to creating a more calm and peaceful life.  Mapping out what my “ideal” day would look like.  How the mornings would go.  How the after-school chaos would go.  How the evenings and bed-time routines should look.  I have to start somewhere.  Small things can turn into big things.  Small habits can literally change our days.  And our stories.

 

The bottom line for me, is I have to start with Why.  WHY am I doing what I do?  WHY do I have the goals I have?  WHY do I want to accomplish them.  Why.  Why.  Why.  Because if I have a STRONG ENOUGH “Why”, I can figure out and get through any “How”.

 

If you’ve never set or written down goals before, maybe it’s time.  Time to make things more than a vague reality floating around in your head.  Time to do all those things you’ve wanted to do.  It’s worth the effort.  I’m actually really excited about all of this.  Which isn’t surprising because I’m always excited when I start something.  But I’m working so so hard to get this all to stick.  To stick to my task until it sticks to me.  I’m determined more than ever to be a finisher.

 

One of my aspirations for this year is to branch out and contribute on other sites and for other companies.  I am excited and humbled to be a part of the Becky Higgins Project Life 2015 Creative Team.  I posted some of this on my Instagram feed when I initially announced it, but I have never considered myself a “creative” person.  Coming up with new ideas and creating do not come naturally to me.  It feels like it takes a lot of effort to create.  I call it learned creativity and I work hard at it.

So I am a tiny bit nervous to be on this team.  Only because I’m learning that hard-core scrapbookers mean business.  And what if I’m not inspirational or creative to them?  Can I live up to their (and my) expectations?

 

I’ve talked about Project Life a few times on here.  The physical Project Life kits, and the Project Life App, and how I use them to document and display the photos I take of our family.  While on the Creative Team, I will be working with the Project Life App and creating spreads to help show people just how easy it is to quickly and easily document your family story.  I’m also working hard on my online photography class “Tell My Story” to help moms take better every day photos of their family.  The course should hopefully be ready in the next month or two.  Better photos.  Better documenting.  Better stories.

 

You can read more about the 2015 Project Life creative team here.  And you can read my Bio here (guys, I had to create a Bio and take a headshot which were both weird for me).  Photo cred for the headshot goes to Jaida, my 10 year old daughter.  Eyes are in focus.  Job well done.

I’m also excited to be a contributor on the Or So She Says Blog.  I will be writing a post for that blog the first Friday of every month.  Subject matter will vary, but they’ll hopefully be useful and helpful.

 

And, I will be Guest posting sometime in February on the Click it Up a Notch blog.

 

It’s going to be a fun and busy year.

I have big plans for 2015.  I’m determined more than ever to work hard and play hard.  I have a lot of things planned for my blog and business, as well as a lot of things planned for my family and life.  I’ll be sharing some of those in the next few days.

 

But I wanted to start the year off by giving something away.  Because it turns out, I like to give stuff away. Like everything that’s causing clutter in my house.  But since not all of you want to be my DI, I’m giving away something else as well (and will continue to give away great stuff throughout the year).

 

I’m giving away one FREE Funbooth Session (valued at $225)!  You can read all about Funbooth sessions here.  And see the Funbooth session I did with my own family here and how I display the photos.

I designed Funbooth sessions with the intent to take the stress out of family photos.  No fuss.  No fluff.  No stress.  Simple.  Easy.  Fast.  And Awesome.

The Giveaway is running through my Instagram feed.  So head over there real quick and enter.  Rules are posted on the IG feed.  It’s easy to enter.  And I’d love if you followed me there too as I share lots of stuff I never actually blog about.  My Instagram handle is @ltross

 

And if you want to join our blog community to stay in touch, periodically receive more tips and tricks, exclusive offers, and other general goodness, enter your name and e-mail below.  You’ll also receive TEN of my best phone photography tips for immediately improving the photos you take with your phone (in a separate e-mail).

 

 

 

I tried to figure out a way to do this anonymously, but our stories are obviously way too similar.  So, with her permission, I am posting this essay from MY mom.  The mother of an addict (my brother).  If you haven’t read the first article I published on this series, please go read it first so you understand why I’m posting these.

This was NOT easy for her to do.  And I would feel guilty for asking her to do it, but I feel strongly about the importance of this topic.  I think her truth deserves to be heard.   And much to her dismay, I’m very good at persuading her to do things she doesn’t want to.

I am fiercely protective of my mom.  Doing things like this is incredibly difficult.  So please keep that in mind when making judgments or comments.  I will delete ANY comment that is unkind in any way.  It’s my blog. My rules.  And MY mom who I love in the deepest part of my being.  I realize we open ourselves up as a family by posting these personal and vulnerable articles.  But again, I believe in this.  So we’re doing it.  Please be respectful and keep in mind you are getting very small parts of our story that are sometimes out of context and can be easily misunderstood.

If there is one thing that has been harder than any other as we have waded through the murky waters of addiction, it is the direct and painful impact it has on my parents.  Years and years and years (and years) of anguish. Mental, emotional, and physical.  But they have never given up on him.  Ever.  Which has taken its toll.  Though my brother is currently sober, the repercussions continue.  Most of my anger and sadness has come through watching my parents suffer.

My parents are brilliant, loving, kind, and generous.  They parented each of their kids differently (as all parents do) and they did the very best they could with what they had.  The choices my brother made were HIS choices and are in NO WAY a reflection of their parenting.  I hope I never have to know what it’s like to be the parent of a child who struggles with addiction.  It’s been hard enough being the sister of one.

I hope these articles will at least open doors for people to feel safe talking about addiction.  No shame.  Just truth.

Words from the mother of an addict:

“One night in mid-June 2011, very late in the evening, there was a quiet knock on our front door.  I hesitated, waiting to see if it came again.  It did.  I checked to make sure my husband was close by, turned on the outside light and opened the door.  There stood two very young-looking uniformed female police officers.  “There has been an accident,” one of them said.  Immediately my mind and body went cold-fear numb.  I invited them in. They informed us that our son had been hit by a car as he had been crossing a dimly-lit highway on foot, and had been taken to Intermountain Medical Center, alive but critical. Any questions we asked for clarification were answered with “that’s all the information we have.”

     About a half hour later, we arrived at the hospital where one of our daughters had already arrived, and had ascertained that our son was soon to be taken to surgery.  Somehow we got to where he was.  He was almost unrecognizable.  He was bruised and swollen, and there were multiple beepers going off and tubes everywhere. The smell of body odor and alcohol was overpowering.  His eyes were open and I thought I saw a flicker of recognition in them as I took his hand.  There was a flurry of activity as we arranged for a rapid priesthood blessing.  And then he was wheeled away to the OR.

     By then our other daughter had arrived.  It took a while to find our way through night-time hospital security to a room where we could wait for the promised ‘two hours or so’ of surgery.  Someone brought us blankets.  When the sun came up several hours later, we were still waiting.  Finally, a tired surgeon appeared and described the intricacies of repairing a shattered leg.  It had received  primary attention because apparently time was critical in obtaining at least a hope of proper healing.  There were multiple other injuries and management of everything was being compromised by total-body alcohol saturation.  My own personal numbness continued.  I kept thinking, ‘please wake me up from this bad dream.’  Over and over along our way through this maze came the pronouncement, “He is so lucky to be alive.”  Really?

     I was so incredibly tired.  Not surprised.  Very, very sad—again.  Still there were no tears.

     For the next three weeks our family kept an almost 24/7 vigil with our son in the shock-trauma unit at this beautiful state-of-the-art hospital with its knowledgeable, caring staff. Besides being a management problem physically, our son was almost impossible behaviorally.  Three or four days into it, my numbness took a long-overdue hike and the dam broke, so to speak.  I couldn’t stop crying. I had thought over the previous innumerable years of tear-shedding that they were all gone.  Not so.

     The time for discharge came.  Because our son was uninsured, no interim rehab facility would take him, so he and his badly broken mind and body came home where the 24/7 vigil continued—as did the tender mercies.

     Fast forward three years..

     Our son has lived with us since his accident.  For the most part, his broken bones have healed remarkably.  His brain damage lingers, but is so much less than at first feared, and is manageable. The great retrospectoscope  is an invaluable aid in providing possible meaning and purpose to the challenges inherent in life.  With the fallout from addiction come innumerable what-ifs and whys . Like, how did I miss this?  Why wasn’t his mental illness diagnosed sooner?   Why was this kid so different from our others, right from the get-go?  Will this ever end?  How is it going to end? And, oh the guilt. Also, what about the collateral damage to our son’s siblings and their need for equal time, to our marriage, to the sanctity of our home, to our daily activities, our personal freedom, even our mental and physical well-being? I have had as a personal goal that I do not want to be defined by my son’s addiction.  How is that even possible?

     What about all the money that has been spent on failed rehabs, and the promises, and the relapses, and the months, even years, in jail?  How could I walk down that long, scary hall in that horrible, cold building yet another time and try to be encouraging through a stupid glass when I couldn’t  hear over the people who were fighting next to us?  What about trust?  Ha! When will the next rehab, the next accident, the next arrest, be?  How many times will this man/child knock on death’s door and be declined admittance?  Lucky to be alive?  Really?

     Since the accident, for the first time in at least 25 years we are seeing our son’s true alcohol-and-drug-free personality.  We so lament that he has lost so much time and life-experience as his life-course has taken him into the world of darkness, halted-progress, fear, filth, homelessness, purposelessness. That’s a lot to overcome.

     Assuredly, it is more than luck that our son is still alive.  Once, over a particularly long period of out-of-control using and prolonged despair-causing and havoc-wreaking, as I was petitioning (questioning?) the Lord yet again, I said something like, ‘why did you send us this kid?!’  His response was, “Because I knew you wouldn’t give up on him.” Chagrined, I knew then, and still know now, it is obvious that our son has not yet filled the measure of his creation.

     By virtue of my age, I am getting closer and closer to filling mine.  This is what I have learned:

Everyone matters.  Each of us needs to know that.  When we do not, some may seek destructive alternative methods to compensate.  God loves every living being in His universes all the same—no matter what we do.  And we—I—need to follow His Son’s example.  I am so grateful for family and friends through the years who have stood by my son and for the most part withheld judgment and scorn,  and have tried to help, and at the very least, offer encouragement. There are plenty of negative, vocal judges out there.  I don’t want to be one of them.  And because of my son, I have seen the world and its people through new eyes.  Satan is real, and his methods are rampant and devastating. He has an incredibly effective tool in alcohol and its addictive cohorts, and he seems to be rapidly gaining ground.  Somehow I want to be part of the force for good that stems that tide, maybe just by mothering one of God’s sons who is wobbling.

     In my searching, I have found there are many people and agencies out there trying to make a difference.  Alcoholics Anonymous, certainly, and the LDS Church Addiction Recovery program which is growing in numbers and success.  Mental health diagnosis and treatment seem to be inadequate in comparison to the need. In the midst of all the questions, this big one looms:  what do you do with someone like our son? To many of the questions, there are no answers—yet.  I continue to be watchful and hopeful, and more aware than ever.

     Perhaps the biggest, hardest lesson I have learned is addictive behavior will never be re-directed until the addict decides to do it.  All the promises, the money, the time, the grief are for naught until that decision is made by the addict.  Then the work begins.  And there is always and forever the threat, and possibility/probability of relapse.  It has given me some relief when I remember a quote from the recovery meetings:  “I didn’t cause it. I can’t control it. I can’t cure it.” Someday I hope to get rid of the guilt.

     I sometimes question the wisdom of people who say they are grateful for their adversities, almost saying ‘bring it on.’ I won’t go that far about our addiction experience. But I am grateful for my son and all that I have learned from him.  I am so grateful to his sisters and brothers whose worlds have been challenged, interrupted and blessed by his presence in our family.  And for my husband who has been the glue and the voice of reason through the trauma. And to the Lord Jesus Christ whose atonement covers even guilt.  And ultimately to my dear Father in Heaven who has patiently endured my incessant whining, and has shown me the way and provided comfort through earthly and heavenly angels.”   

     

Thank you Mom.  You are brave beyond words and I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am without you.  I love you.      

If you’re interested in reading more articles from this series written by people who love an addict, you can go here.

The past few months I have read 3 excellent books that discuss the topic of having too much stuff.  And it has motivated me to wage a war on excess in every area of my life.   For several reasons.  I want to give more.  I also want to DO more.  And I want to quit picking up crap all. day. long.

 

The first book is More or Less: Choosing a Lifestyle of Excessive Generosity by Jeff Shinabarger.

More or Less is the first book I read about the idea of excess and having far more than we need.  And it was this book that initially sparked my desire and awareness to BUY less and DO more.  Sometimes it’s all our stuff that gets in the way of our being able to do more.  And it all starts with the question “What is enough?” A few quotes from the book (among many) that I loved.

“Excess is that thing we could give away today, and it wouldn’t change a single aspect of our tomorrow.  Excess is more than what we need–and in turn it may be exactly what someone else needs.  Anything more than enough is excess.  Excess is margin.  Excess is more than enough.”

“Many of us don’t want our stories to end with just an understanding that we have been given much.  We want to do more with what we have; we just don’t know how to combat a culture that defines so much of what we think we need.”

“The sad truth is that while others fight for survival, we all want a little bit more.  When we get more we tend to spend more, which results in wanting more.  Meanwhile, we throw away what others need for survival.  It’s a disturbing circle of want and need, but we have the ability to change the cycle.  The change beings when we acknowledge that our excess creates an opportunity to address the needs of others.”

“I must create new habits that challenge my view of enough by forcing me to look through the lens of the suffering and therefore cause me to reexamine my personal lifestyle of excess.”

 

The second book is 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker.

This is the first book I’ve read by Jen Hatmaker and I’m a HUGE fan.  I’m pretty sure if we lived next to each other we’d be really good friends.  We think a lot alike.  7 is a true story of how Jen (and her husband and kids) waged a war against excess in 7 areas of their lives over a 7 month period.  It was fascinating, hilarious, and inspiring.  One of my favorite books I have read recently.  A few quotes I loved:

“I’m trapped in the machine, held by my own selfishness.  It’s time to face our spending and call it what it is:  a travesty.  I’m eary of justifying it.  So many areas out of control, so much need for transformation.  What have we been eating?  What are we doing?  What have we been buying?  What are we wasting?  What are we missing?  These questions grieve me, as well they should.”

“My children are young–still entirely impressionable.  It is not too late to untether them from the lie of ‘more'”

“I’m going to bed tonight grateful for warmth, an advantage so expected it barely registers. May my privileges continue to drive me downward to my brothers and sisters without. Greater yet, I’m tired of calling the suffering “brothers and sisters” when I’d never allow my biological siblings to suffer likewise. That’s just hypocrisy veiled in altruism. I won’t defile my blessings by imagining that I deserve them. Until every human receives the dignity I casually enjoy, I pray my heart aches with tension and my belly rumbles for injustice.”

“I could blame Big Marketing for selling me imagined needs. I could point a finger at culture for peer pressuring me into having nicer things. I might implicate modern parenting, which encourages endless purchases for the kids, ensuring they aren’t the “have-nots” in a sea of “haves.” I could just dismiss it all with a shrug and casual wave of the hand. Oh, you know me! Retail therapy! But if I’m being truthful, this is a sickening cycle of consumerism that I perpetuate constantly.”

“We top the global food chain through no fault or credit of our own. I’ve asked God a billion times why I have so much while others have so little. Why do my kids get full bellies? Why does water flow freely from my faucets? Why do we get to go the doctor when we’re sick? There is no easy answer. The why definitely matters, but so does the what. What do we do with our riches? What do we do with our privileges? What should we keep? What should we share? I better address this inequality since Jesus clearly identified the poor as His brothers and sisters and my neighbor.”

 

The third book is Living Well, Spending Less: 12 Secrets of the Good Life by Ruth Soukup.

I had the opportunity to read this book before it was released to the public (it’s officially released on Monday, December 29th).  And I quickly decided reading and critiquing pre-released books would be a job I definitely wouldn’t mind.  This book wasn’t what I expected, in a good way.  It was full of substance, hope, and inspiration to take control of life.  Ruth writes regularly on her blog Living Well Spending Less and she is a good woman with a good heart.  A few quotes I loved:

“It is not the wealth–or the stuff–that kills us; it is the wanting, the longing, the absolutely insatiable desire for wealth, possessions, power, and status that eventually take over our hearts and minds, leaving room for little else.  Whether or not we can afford it is totally irrelevant.  What matters is the desire of our heart.  Regardless of the never-quite-enough message society wants to give us, a live consumed by always wanting more is not the Good Life.”

“Discovering the Good Life is not just about learning to spend less, but about actually changing the desires of our heart, shifting our priorities from wanting and hoping for the best of everything in this world to deeply longing to store up differing kind of treasure.”

“I have found that overturning a lifetime of consumption while the rest of the world still screams at me to keep wildly spending does not come without hard work, serious soul-searching, and lots and lots of intentional prayer.  I have fervently and frequently prayed for God to change my heart, to lead me where he would have me go, and to take away my desire for the things of this world.  I’m still praying that prayer.

It is a terrifying prayer because, quite frankly, I love the things of this world.  I’m not eager to give up my nice house with its loverly decorations, granite countertops, and 600-thread-count sheets.  Storing up treasures in heaving is all well and good, but I still want to drive a nice car, wear nice clothes, and continue Instagramming all my social-media-worthy moments on the latest version of the iPhone.”

 

I’m determined to spend the next few months putting in the work to de-clutter our home.  To give away things we don’t need.  To get rid of things that don’t bless and enhance our lives.  And to quit bringing in more things we don’t need.  Room by room.  Cupboard by cupboard.  Drawer by drawer.

I’ve already started this the past few months (I can only do a little at a time or I get overwhelmed and apathetic) and my kids aren’t quite as excited about it as I am.  Whenever Carter (who is 5) can’t find something of his now, he starts to wail and says “You gave it to the homeless shelter.”  Most of the time he’s right.  Or I put it in the garbage and hid it under a paper towel.  Because he hasn’t cared one bit about it for the past year.

 

The truth is, getting rid of or giving away things we don’t need (or use) opens up space for us to do things that really matter.  And spend money on doing things together instead of stuff strewn about the house.  And finding resources to help people who need the help.

 

I love this quote by mother Theresa.  We can pray for God to change things.  But the truth is, change comes from us.

I’m waging a war on my personal excess and a change of heart.  And I’m determined to stick with it.