Category: Uncategorized

I have a confession.  Well, it’s not a confession for people who know me well, but for the rest of you–I don’t like to cook.  At all.  I don’t like to bake.  I don’t really like being in the kitchen for any reason (except to eat–preferably food I didn’t cook).  I wouldn’t say I’m a bad cook, I just don’t particularly like doing it.  If a meal takes more than 20-30 minutes, I’m out.

Add that to my recent attempts to eat better more wholesome (real) foods around here (after watching the documentary Fed Up), it has put a huge damper on planning and preparing meals.

Speaking of planning meals, this meme made my eyes water I was laughing so hard.

Anyway.  I digress.

I’ve been trying to compile all of our family favorite recipes, as well as find new recipes, to put them all together in an easily accessible way.  To help with meal planning and also to make the process of cooking dinner each day a little less painful.

So I’m using the Project Life App (if you don’t know what this app is, you’ll definitely want to check out THIS) to make recipe pages for quick, easy, hopefully healthy-ish  meals.  I HIGHLY value eating together as a family each day so I’m trying to overcome my aversion to the whole planning, grocery shopping, cooking process.

Each time I make one of these meals, I take 5 minutes and assemble a recipe page using the project life app.  They look like this:

Then I save them to my camera roll and put them in a “Recipe” album on my phone.  I can easily access them from there.

 

 

I also like physical, tangible stuff, so I print off an 8×8 print (straight through the app or from Persnickety Prints) and put them in an album and am slowly assembling them there as well.

The great thing about doing it this way is a.) I’m saving all the recipes I want to use with our family in an easy, pretty way (if it looks good maybe it will make me want to cook it more–I dunno–wishful thinking mayble) and b.) I can also use these recipe pages I created as a gift for someone else.  Print off some of the best recipes and put them in an album for a wedding gift, for a friends birthday, or just because.  It’s also a great way to share the recipes via text with friends who ask for them.

For each recipe, I snap a photo of:

1. the ingredients used to make whatever it is I’m making.
2. part of the process of cooking/assembling
3. the finished product

Then I assemble the photos in a spread on the app (I use Design A for each layout), type out the instructions (or take a screen shot of the instructions from a web page/Instagram where I found the recipe), and save the recipe page.

Easy, fun presentation.  And great way to save all the (easy) recipes I use for our family.

 

To see some good food finds I’ve shared here on the blog, you can check out this post.  They’re good.

For more posts about getting/being healthy, you can check out the “Let’s Be Healthy” page.

I pick stuff up. Like it’s my job. All day. Every day. Picking stuff up. It’s getting old. Actually, it got old years ago. I’ve had enough.

I had a little come-apart on the kids a few weeks ago. You know the “I’m going to throw all your stuff away if you don’t pick it up” speech. Pretty sure every mom’s had one of those. Or ten. And I was mostly serious. I’ve already started hiding things under paper towels in the garbage can. Now I’m thrown’ stuff away like it’s my job. Because I’m sooooo tired of picking stuff up.

I’m also tired of clutter. And things where things shouldn’t be. And drawers that are too full, shelves with things falling off them, and a basement that requires a tetanus shot before you go down there.

Too. Much. Stuff.

Months and months ago I said I was waging a war on excess. The war was never appropriately waged. The battle plan didn’t work. The excess lives on.

Then a friend recommended a book. It was unlike any other “get your life organized” book I had read. And I’ve bought into the idea.

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo.

Her claim:

Pretty bold statement. But I believe it. I’m buying into this. And I’m going to follow the advice in the book.

I’ve read my fair share of self-help, motivational, and business-type books. Nearly all of them address the space we live in. The need for order. The need to clear the clutter. Clutter, mess, dis-organization–it grieves my soul. But I’ve never come across an effective strategy so once the clutter’s cleared (if we even appropriately clear it), it STAYS that way. My friend manages their clutter by choosing the right storage provider. She tells me whenever she decides she has to much stuff, she simply loads up her car and empties it into her storage lot. Instant relief.

This method is different. So I want to share the cliffs-notes version of what I read (some of the things I highlighted in the book). Then I’ll share MY personal approach/strategy to this and then I have a little invitation for all of you reading this.

My guess is, if you’re reading this, you have FAR more than you need. If you’re like me, you have excess. Things that clutter up your life. Things that other people could benefit from. Things that bring NO joy to your life or home. It’s something I want to fix.

 

**My highlights (I still HIGHLY recommend you read the book so you can catch the vision yourself):

-The premise of the book is to clear the clutter by category instead of by room and to do it in a concentrated period of time.

“If you tidy up in one shot, rather than little by little, you can dramatically change your mind-set”

“You only have to experience a state of perfect order once to be able to maintain it.”

“The key is to make the change so sudden that you experience a complete change of heart.”

 

-Here’s her strategy for what to keep and what to discard:

“All you need to do is sit down and examine each item you own, decide whether you want to keep or discard it, and then choose where to put what you keep.”

“The whole point in keeping and discarding things is to be happy“

 

-Her rule for deciding what to keep (she refers to this process as the Konmari method): “DOES THIS SPARK JOY?”

Instead of deciding what to get rid of, you ask yourself “does this spark joy” and decide what to keep.

“The question of what you want to own is actually a question of how you want to live your life” (one of my favorite quotes from the book)

 

-The method:

Before choosing what to keep, collect everything that falls within the same category in one place. “Gathering every item in one places is essential to this process because it gives you an accurate grasp of how much you have.”

Then you physically touch each item, ask yourself if it sparks joy, and then decide what to keep (and what to discard).

Once you’ve done the sorting, you designate a spot for everything, keeping the same type of items in the same place.

Order for sorting per her suggestion: clothes, books, papers, komono (miscellany), and lastly mementos. After reading the book I felt there were some pretty big categories left out (which I’ll address in a minute)

 

This is obviously the condensed version of the book. And there are a few parts where she talks to her things that I’m not adopting (I get why she’s doing it, but it’s just not me–so I’ll leave the talking to the things part out–just get past that part if it’s odd to you and embrace the overall message of what she’s teaching). Maybe by the end I’ll thank my socks. Who knows.

 

There were some things that weren’t addressed in the book. Like kids. Anything relating to kids. There was no talk of toys which is a pretty hefty category in my house. I’m pretty sure NO toy sparks joy for me. More on that category in a minute.

 

**My approach. I read the book. I highly advise you read it first. Thinking of doing this for my whole house (we have a good-sized house with 6 people living in it which means we’ve accumulated FAR more than we need) is grossly over-whelming. I get that. But I really believe doing this the RIGHT way will have a dramatic effect not just on my home, but over my (our) life (and soul) in general.

So I tried to break it down into a more manageable plan.

I walked through my house and made a list of different categories I can sort by. Then I’ve made a time-line to complete each category (grouping smaller categories together that can feasibly be done together). My goal is to finish the entire house by my birthday (end of November). It’s ambitious. But I want to do it right and I want to get it done so we’re going for it (I’ve mostly convinced my husband this is a good idea). I think breaking it down into smaller categories, AND having a time line in place will be key in actually getting this done.

**The categories I’ll be sorting (these would all be individual based on the things you have in your house–just get a notebook, walk through the house and make a list):

Clothes/Shoes (each member in the family), Books, Medicine cabinet, kitchen cupboards (dishes, appliances), Pantry, Cleaning supplies (laundry and under sink), hair stuff, cosmetics/bathroom cupboards, blankets and towels, bags (suitcases, backpacks–I think my kids backpacks had babies–bags everywhere, duffels, purses), girls room stuff (knick knacks, etc.), desk drawers and cubbies (art and school supplies), games, papers (filing cabinets), kids school stuff, electronics (earphones, gadgets, chords, camera gear), toy room, downstairs cold storage, tools, boat stuff and sports gear, camping gear, holiday decor, home decor, gift wrapping, paper goods and party supplies, mementos (treasure chests, bins of memorabilia), and photos.

The hardest category for me will be the toy rooms (yes, I said roomS). Not sure how I’ll even handle those. If it was up to me we’d get rid of nearly everything but my kids still play with some of the stuff. We’ll see how we handle that one when it’s time (on the calendar soon). Suggestions are warmly welcomed.

 

My invitation to you, JOIN ME. Accountability is huge in getting something like this done. And everything is more tolerable when other people are doing it with us. Get the book. Read the book. Draft your plan. SET A DEADLINE to have it done. And check in and tell me how you’re doing.

If you’re already doing this, have done it, or want to commit to do it, comment below. Then we can all keep each other accountable to really do it.

If you’ve already been through the Konmari process, I would LOVE any tips/advice you have.

Another promise in the book and one I’m holding on to:

 

A home without clutter. Organized. Peaceful. Full of things that spark joy. A promise that if we do it once, and we do it right, we’ll never have to do it again. And a heart at peace so we can focus more on the things we’re meant to do. Not on picking stuff up and putting stuff away all.day.long.

 

To follow along on my progress with this, you can follow my Instagram account @ltross. When I’m all done, I’ll post a follow-up with tips and tricks I learn along the way!

Who’s with me? We can do this!!! Let’s make things happen.

If you’ve been around the blog or have been a reader for a while, you know by now I have a brother who is an addict. I’ve made a conscious effort to talk about him (with his permission) as well as addiction to help dispel some of the shame associated with it. I think it’s very important to talk about it and if there is anyone out there who has a loved one that is suffering from an addiction then take a look on American Rehabs to find a rehab near you. Whether they are suffering from a drug addiction, knowing how to help them through it safely is all they ask for. The same goes for alcohol. If they are willing to change their life, finding out how to detox from alcohol safely would be the right path to take. They need help and there’s no shame in talking about it.

You’ll also know my love for reading and desire to share the things I read with other people.

So I wanted to compile a list of books relating to addiction that I have read. It can be really hard for people to understand how addiction works which is why The Disease Model of Addiction. I’m the type of person who wants to get their hands on as much information as possible especially when it relates to something I’m going through or something that relates to my life or someone in my family. Reading memoirs of people who suffer from addiction, or reading books written by people who love an addict was helpful for me as I struggled to know how best to help my brother while at the same time preserving my own life, sanity and family. Although there often seems to be no good answers when it comes to addiction, it helped me to know other people felt the way I felt or struggled with the things I struggled with. It was also helpful to see how the addict thinks when they’re going through all of this.

People always ask how I even have time to read. It comes down to the fact that it’s a priority for me. I have the Kindle app on my phone and I read in little increments throughout the day and I always read before I fall asleep. “Reading is my inhale, Writing is my exhale” (Glennon Melton said that and it’s pure truth for me).

Here is a list of books I read and appreciated relating to drug/alcohol addiction:

(you can pin this to save for reference later)

**Beyond Belief: Finding the Strength to Come Back by Josh Hamilton (last I checked this was on sale for $3.99 on Kindle).

“Josh Hamilton was the first player chosen in the first round of the 1999 baseball draft. He was destined to be one of those rare “high-character ” superstars. But in 2001, working his way from the minors to the majors, all of the plans for Josh went off the rails in a moment of weakness. What followed was a 4-year nightmare of drugs and alcohol, estrangement from friends and family, and his eventual suspension from baseball.”

This is one of my favorites and proof that money, fame, or even a supportive and loving family don’t keep people from using. Hamilton recently had another relapse. I’m not sure what his current status is, but I hope he can find the strength to stay sober and deal with the issues that are causing him to use in the first place.

**The Lost Years: Surviving a Mother and Daughter’s Worst Nightmare by Kristina Wandzilak

“A child caught in the horror of alcohol and drug addition. A mother helplessly standing by unable to save her. The Lost Years is the real life story of just such a mother and child, each giving their first-hand accounts of the years lost to addiction and despair.”

This one is super interesting as it has two perspectives. One from the addict (Kristina) and one from the mother. It’s always intriguing to hear two sides of a story. My brother often has one version of what he thinks happened, and we’ll (his family) have an entirely different version.

The author also had a show on TLC for a little while called “Addicted”. It was an intervention type show but not a surprise intervention (like the show “Intervention”). The addicts on the show knew what it was. I corresponded a little with Kristina about my brother. Not to put him on the show, but to get some advice. She was kind and helpful.

**A Million Little Pieces by James Frey

“At the age of 23, James Frey woke up on a plane to find his front teeth knocked out and his nose broken. He had no idea where the plane was headed nor any recollection of the past two weeks. An alcoholic for ten years and a crack addict for three, he checked into a treatment facility shortly after landing. There he was told he could either stop using or die before he reached age 24. This is Frey’s acclaimed account of his six weeks in rehab.”

This book has taken a lot of heat (most notably from Oprah) because apparently Frey embellished the truth a bit. He lied. But for me, that makes it even better. Because that’s what addicts do. They lie. And you never really know what to believe. It’s still a really interesting book.

**please note–if you are offended by the “f” word, you’ll want to skip this one. It is used quite frequently**

**Tweak: Growing Up on Methamphetamines by Nik Sheff

“Nic Sheff was drunk for the first time at age eleven. In the years that followed, he would regularly smoke pot, do cocaine and Ecstasy, and develop addictions to crystal meth and heroin. Even so, he felt like he would always be able to quit and put his life together whenever he needed to. It took a violent relapse one summer in California to convince him otherwise. In a voice that is raw and honest, Nic spares no detail in telling us the compelling, heartbreaking, and true story of his relapse and the road to recovery. As we watch Nic plunge the mental and physical depths of drug addiction, he paints a picture for us of a person at odds with his past, with his family, with his substances, and with himself. It’s a harrowing portrait—but not one without hope.”

My brother was quite young when he had his first taste of alcohol (at a friends house) so I can relate to this early start. This book compliments his father’s memoir (listed below).

**Beautiful Boy: A Father’s Journey Through His Son’s Addiction by David Sheff

“What had happened to my beautiful boy? To our family? What did I do wrong? Those are the wrenching questions that haunted every moment of David Sheff’s journey through his son Nic’s addiction to drugs and tentative steps toward recovery. Before Nic Sheff became addicted to crystal meth, he was a charming boy, joyous and funny, a varsity athlete and honor student adored by his two younger siblings. After meth, he was a trembling wraith who lied, stole, and lived on the streets. David Sheff traces the first subtle warning signs: the denial, the 3 A.M. phone calls (is it Nic? the police? the hospital?), the rehabs. His preoccupation with Nic became an addiction in itself, and the obsessive worry and stress took a tremendous toll. But as a journalist, he instinctively researched every avenue of treatment that might save his son and refused to give up on Nic.
Beautiful Boy is a fiercely candid memoir that brings immediacy to the emotional rollercoaster of loving a child who seems beyond help.”

I think this is a good one for parents of an addict to read. And family members. Painfully describes many of the emotions, thoughts, regrets we go through as we wonder what happened and how could we have stopped this?

**Breaking Night: A Memoir of Forgiveness, Survival, and My Journey from Homeless to Harvard by Liz Murray

“Liz Murray was born to loving but drug-addicted parents in the Bronx. In school she was taunted for her dirty clothing and lice-infested hair, eventually skipping so many classes that she was put into a girls’ home. At age fifteen, Liz found herself on the streets when her family finally unraveled. She learned to scrape by, foraging for food and riding subways all night to have a warm place to sleep.

When Liz’s mother died of AIDS, she decided to take control of her own destiny and go back to high school, often completing her assignments in the hallways and subway stations where she slept. Liz squeezed four years of high school into two, while homeless; won a New York Times scholarship; and made it into the Ivy League. Breaking Night is an unforgettable and beautifully written story of one young woman’s indomitable spirit to survive and prevail, against all odds.”

This is an account of what it’s like to be the child of an addict. This was hard for me to read some of the time and often unbelievable. But it’s a heroic story of survival and proof each of us is in charge of our own destiny.

**Newjack: Guarding Sing Sing by Ted Conover

“When Conover’s request to shadow a recruit at the New York State Corrections Officer Academy was denied, he decided to apply for a job as a prison officer. So begins his odyssey at Sing Sing, once a model prison but now the state’s most troubled maximum-security facility. The result of his year there is this remarkable look at one of America’s most dangerous prisons, where drugs, gang wars, and sex are rampant, and where the line between violator and violated is often unclear.”

A little different twist on the world of addiction. A huge percentage of people end up in jail/prison as a result of drug/alcohol abuse and/or the choices they make while high/drunk. This book walked a fine line between horrific and fascinating. My brother spent a lot of time in jail (never in prison–he was only in jail for public intoxication). This gave me some insight into how bad it can be on the inside. Definitely not a place I ever want to be or ever want my family to be.

**warning: this book is highly graphic and has a lot of unclean language–thus is jail life. If that offends you, skip this one as well**

This last books is one recommend by my youngest brother who is an addiction psychiatrist. He recommends this to many of the people (and their family’s) that he treats.

**Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change by Jeffrey Foote

“Delivered with warmth, optimism, and humor, Beyond Addiction defines a new, empowered role for friends and family and a paradigm shift for the field. This new approach is not only less daunting for both the substance abuser and his family, but is more effective as well. Learn how to use the transformative power of relationships for positive change, guided by exercises and examples. Practice what really works in therapy and in everyday life, and discover many different treatment options along with tips for navigating the system. And have hope: this guide is a life raft for parents, family, and friends—offering ‘reminders that although no one can make another person change, there is much that can be done to make change seem appealing and possible'”

I’ve added this one to my reading list. Though my brother is currently sober (after being hit by a car and spending 3 weeks in ICU with a traumatic brain injury), I still continue to read all I can about addiction. My experiences through his addiction have largely shaped my outlook on life and people in general and it’s something I will continue to learn about and talk about the rest of my life. Addiction is a scary beast that never truly goes away. Once an addict, always an addict. I believe people can and do get and stay sober. But there’s always the lurking fear the addictions and habits and behaviors will come back. I look forward to reading this book for future reference should we need it, or for encouragement for other families suffering as ours did (and still does).

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If you or someone you love suffers from addiction, you may be interested in the series of essays I’ve posted from people who love addicts. You can find them under “real stories” and scroll down to the “addiction” section.

We got in the car last week to leave on a family vacation and my husband asked “What’s one thing you want to do that would make this a good vacation?”.  My response:  “I just want to sit.”  He laughed.  I was serious.  I just want to SIT.  Sit and eat my meals.  Sit and read a book.  Sit and watch my kids play. Sit and listen to my family talk and joke around.  I just want to sit.  And be still.  Without feeling guilty about the millions of other things I should be doing.

I should have known better because we were going to Lake Powell.  And we were taking all four of our kids including our 3 year old who has a little trouble listening (and by trouble I mean he often completely disregards what I say–it’s a problem).  And we were surrounded by water.  And he can’t swim.  So before we even left, I knew sitting was pretty much out of the question.

But it got me thinking about life and how busy I am.  How busy we all seem to be.  Thinking about what it is I’m so busy doing anyway.  Am I busy doing the right things?  Am I a sacrificing the best things I could be doing for things that are good, just not the best?  What are we so busy doing?

Brene Brown said in her book Daring Greatly (it’s amazing, you should read it):  “One of the most universal numbing strategies is what I call crazy-busy.  I often say that when they start having twelve-step meetings for busy-aholics, they’ll need to rent out football stadiums.  We are a culture of people who’ve bought into the idea that if we stay busy enough, the truth of our lives won’t catch up with us.”

If I were to strip the purpose of life down to the bare bones, I would say the thing that counts most is how we treat other people.  How we make other people feel. What kind of real, authentic relationships we have created.  How approachable we are.  How we LOVE other people.  How we love ourselves.  What we give back to other people (time, attention, love).  The question is, am I too busy to do this?

I was driving home from the store yesterday and I saw an older man sitting on the corner in a chair.  I see him in this same spot frequently.  He’s dirty and wears thick glasses.  His hair is long, gray, and matted.  He doesn’t move much, stares into places unknown, and holds a sign that says “I am hungry”.  This time, however, his sign just said “homeless”.  About 20 feet away from this man was a younger man in clean clothes, short groomed hair, standing on the grass also holding a cardboard sign.  This man’s sign was in the shape of an arrow pointing at the older man.  It said “He is not homeless and does not need money.”  In smaller print it said “in my opinion”.

I can’t really explain why, but this whole situation really bothered me.  It’s completely out of character for me, but I wanted to stop and ask the younger man what his purpose was.  Did he feel cheated by this man?  Did he know him?  How did he know he wasn’t homeless?  And how would he know the man didn’t need money?  What aggravated him so much that he was willing to stand there as well with his own cardboard sign?  I’m not even sure what the feeling was I was feeling.  Confused, sadness, anger, curiosity, compassion.  Every part of me wanted to stop and see what was going on.  But I didn’t have time.  I didn’t have time to stop and talk to these people.  To show compassion to the man on the corner.  To show compassion to the younger man who felt wronged by the situation.  I didn’t have time.  So I kept driving.

It still bothers me that I didn’t stop.  I had a house to clean.  Work things to do.  A trip to pack for.  My list never ends.  But I’m really starting to question that list.  And what things are getting priority on that list.

Am I available? Am I accessible? Am I present? Or am I too busy doing too many other things (even if those things are seemingly important)?

For some reason, when I (we) become increasingly busy, the first thing that suffers is my relationships. My time for other people, for service, for FUN, for leisure time just BEING with the people I love often get pushed aside.  I also neglect things that nourish my soul.  Time for me.  Time for reflection.  Time for God.

I ask myself, if a friend calls and needs support, will I drop everything and go? Will they even call me in the first place if they think I’m “too busy”?  If one of my kids needs some extra love and attention, can my “to do” list be put aside?

What do I spend my free time doing? And WHY? Do I even have free time? If not, why? Does my use of time reflect who I am and who I hope to become?

So I’m re-assessing and trying some strategies to help me be less-busy with the good things and instead fill my time with the best things.  I’m reminding myself it’s okay to slow down. It’s okay to not be busy all.the.time. It’s okay to take things off the schedule that don’t support my WHY or the goals and ambitions of our family life. It’s OKAY TO SAY NO. Because when I say “no” to one thing, I say “yes” to something that supports my why. Something that matters MORE.

I’m trying to slow down. BE STILL. Listen. Pay attention. Notice details. Be deliberate with my time. Nurture relationships with family, friends, and strangers. And solely focus on what really matters to me. People. And Love.

 

PS. If you liked this post, you may also like a post I put together with suggestions and ideas on HOW to help someone in need for ANY reason.  It’s a good one!

And if you feel like you don’t have enough energy to get through your day, you’ll definitely want to check out “Are you living an energy efficient life?”.  It changed the way I think about my days.