Sometimes if we’re having a particularly grumpy day, we have the Monday blues, or we just need a good laugh, we play around on the Photo Booth on my computer.
I die laughing every time.
It never gets old.
It never gets old.
Category: why a blog
stories
“A million miles in a thousand years” by Donald Miller. I’m slightly obsessed. I’m not being dramatic when I say it changed my life and my entire perspective about what really matters and what we’re all doing here in this crazy hard life.
Reading this book is what initially compelled me to start this blog. I’ve been resisting for several months (you can read about that here), but the time has come. Time to quit thinking and start acting.
There was a story in the book that haunted me. I thought about it for days and continue to think about it often. Because it answered SO many questions about why kids stray. Why they don’t do what we want. Why they choose bad friends. Why they may make some bad choices. Why they don’t want to be at home instead of with friends. Why they go in directions we never hoped for or intended.
These are the words Miller wrote:
“When I got back from Los Angeles, I got together with my friend Jason who has a thirteen-year-old daughter. He was feeling down because he and his wife had found pot hidden in their daughter’s closet. She was dating a guy, too, a kid who smelled like smoke and only answered questions with single words: “Yeah,” “No,” “Whatever,” and “Why?” And “Why?” was the answer Jason hated most. Have her home by ten, Jason would say. Why the guy would ask. Jason figured this guy was the reason his daughter was experimenting with drugs….
The night after we talked, Jason couldn’t sleep. He thought about the story his daughter was living and the role she was playing inside that story. He realized he hadn’t provided a better role for his daughter. He hadn’t mapped out a story for his family. And so his daughter had chosen another story, a story in which she was wanted, even if she was only being used. In the absence of a family story, she’d chosen a story in which there was risk and adventure, rebellion and independence. “She’s not a bad girl,” my friend said. “She was just choosing the best story available to her.”
I pictured his daughter flipping through the channels of life, as it were, stopping on a story that seemed most compelling at the moment, a story that offered her something, anything, because people can’t live without a story, without a role to play….
So how did you get her out of it?” I asked. And I couldn’t believe what he told me next.
Jason decided to stop yelling at his daughter and, instead, created a better story to invite her into.”
I was most struck by the line “He hadn’t mapped out a story for his family. And so his daughter had chosen another story…”
I was most struck by the line “He hadn’t mapped out a story for his family. And so his daughter had chosen another story…”
This got me thinking. Really thinking. Have I mapped out a story for my family? And is it a GOOD story? One in which our kids will want to be a part of? It scared me that I couldn’t answer definitively yes. That I knew where we were headed and why. That we were being intentional about our parenting, our thinking, our actions.
I read a comment on instagram (and for the life of me can’t remember who said it): “We all end up somewhere, but few of us end up somewhere on purpose.”
I started thinking about everything I do. Every.thing. What am I doing and more importantly WHY am I doing it? Am I headed somewhere on purpose?
It has made me stop and reconsider all of my “systems”. For myself and for my family. Are we doing things just because other people are doing them? Or because that’s just the way things are done? Or are we carving our own path? Doing things because that is what is best for our family regardless of what anyone else is doing or thinks?
So I’m entering the new and unfamiliar world of creating a story for my family. One with values, and purpose, and direction. And I’ll be honest. It’s not easy. At times it has been downright discouraging and I feel confused and frustrated. But it is also inspiring and full of hope. And I am determined to face the obstacles ahead and create a family story I can invite my kids into. One that will allow them to be everything they already are. And to show God we remember him and will do all we can to make him proud.
{I am fully aware that kids do what they do for a million different reasons. And even if we have an amazing story to invite them into, a family filled with intention and action, they will still sometimes stray in ways we never imagined. I’m only stating there are ways in which we can try to prevent them going in directions harmful to themselves. Because as parents, all we really want is for our kids to be who they were always meant to be}
on vulnerability
I have felt compelled to start this blog for several months. But I’ve been resisting. Really resisting. Partly out of silly fears that irritate me but are nonetheless real. But even more so, because I read the book “Daring Greatly” by Brene Brown. And the book spoke so much truth to me yet nearly induced full blown panic attacks. Because though I agreed with the theory behind her arguments, I realized I was going to have to make big, BIG changes in order to follow them.
Do you see what that says on the book title? “How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead” I’m sorry. Did you say vulnerable? As in, open myself up to the possibility of getting hurt? Talk about how I really think and feel? Hmmm….yea, I don’t do that.
The idea of being vulnerable, and exposing myself to a world that can be so hateful and mean sounds about as appealing as lighting my entire body on fire.
But after several weeks of self discovery (which isn’t always super fun and at times can be really, really hard–just a forewarning for anyone willing to go through it), I realized things needed to change around here.
I discovered I use one of the vulnerability shields Brown refers to as “numbing”.
“…numbing vulnerability is especially debilitating because it doesn’t just deaden the pain of our difficult experiences; numbing vulnerability also dulls our experiences of love, joy, belonging, creativity, and empathy. We can’t selectively numb emotion. Numb the dark and you numb the light.”
That last sentence hit me in a way I never expected. “Numb the dark and you numb the light” The big problem there, for me, is God lives in the light. So while I’ve tried to numb the dark, protect myself from the hurt, and often shy away from being really real in the sense that I’m willing to talk about emotion, and feelings, and fears, I’m also numbing the light. And my connection to God. And dulling my ability to fully experience love and joy with my family and humankind. Wow. And wow.
Here are some other thoughts Brown shared that really made me think. And re-evaluate how I want to live my life and who I want to be. And made me a little sick to my stomach to think of how hard this will be and how far I have to go. But we have to start somewhere. And action is the key. Do something. Anything. So I blog.
“…the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.”
“Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives”
“To feel is to be vulnerable”
“To foreclose on our emotional life out of a fear that the costs will be too high is to walk away from the very thing that gives purpose and meaning to living.”
“vulnerability is the path and courage is the light. To set down those lists of what we’re supposed to be is brave. To love ourselves and support each other in the process of becoming real is perhaps the greatest single act of daring greatly.”
So that’s what I’m doing. Trying to feel. And be real. And spread truth. And hope in a world that so desperately needs it.
So that’s what I’m doing. Trying to feel. And be real. And spread truth. And hope in a world that so desperately needs it.
I honestly have no idea how I’m going to do it. Or how I can change my heart and my actions. But I’m trying with all my might to not just believe in God, but to actually believe God. And take things one step at a time. And get up every morning with a resolve that day to be present, be engaged, connect with others, and love my husband and kids with my whole heart.
“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee: yea, I will uphold thee…”
Isaiah 41:10
