Lindsay Ross Blog

Several weeks ago, I dropped my girls off at school. As I pulled out of the carpool lane, I saw a woman walking on the sidewalk. She was carrying an infant in a carseat, had a toddler hanging on her legs, and was holding the hand of another crying child she was trying to convince into the school.

A thought popped into my head. “Pull over and offer to watch the baby and toddler while she gets the kid into the school.” I dismissed the thought, because, well, it seems weird to pull over and offer help to a woman I don’t know. But the though persisted. “Pull over and help her”

The truth is, I WAS that mom. Not many years ago. My oldest child cried nearly every day before school (stomach aches, head aches, throwing up, the works). I had a toddler and a baby who cried the first year of his life. I was tired. No, I was exhausted. And the daily routine of life was almost more than I could handle at that time.

Nearly every day at school (which I started dreading the night before), I’d have to park the car, get the crying baby out (he literally screamed like a crazy person every time we were in the car, and pretty much every other moment of the day. My friend got a new car through a great loan from a comparison site just like www.moneyexpert.com), get the toddler out, beg her to stay right by me, and then pull my oldest daughter out of the car. Somehow I had to get all three of them into the school, peel my oldest daughter off of me, leave her in the hands of someone else while listening to her sob, get the toddler and the infant back to the car, and drive home often crying myself. It was a hard, hard year.

(see, crying. He was always crying. And my oldest isn’t crying cause she wasn’t at school)

I saw that woman and I got sick to my stomach. All those feelings came back. I remembered. I remembered how hard it was and how lonely it felt and how awful I felt as a mom dragging my sobbing child into the school each day.

The thought came to stop. But I kept driving. I got to the end of the road and thought I should turn around, but I didn’t. And it’s bothered me ever since.

My question is, Why? Why didn’t I stop? Why don’t WE stop? I saw her. I identified with her. I had total and complete compassion for her. But I kept driving. And she pulled that kid into the school by herself, with a carseat on one arm, a toddler on her legs and a sobbing child in the other hand. And she probably cried while she drove home too. I imagine if I had stopped it could have changed her feelings completely. Five minutes out of my day.

I can come up with a dozen reasons why I kept driving. Some of them may even seem valid. I was in my pajamas with no shoes (yea, I do that). I had two other kids in my car already and couldn’t really get out and manage all four kids. She didn’t know me and would probably think I was a crazy person. She wouldn’t leave two of her kids with a woman she doesn’t know. I didn’t want to make her feel bad or like she wasn’t capable. It could be embarrassing or uncomfortable for both of us. The reasons are endless. And they’re really just excuses.

The point isn’t whether she would have accepted my help or not. The point is whether I offered it. I could have talked to her. And identified with her. And told her “I get it”. No judgment. No pressure. No unsolicited advice. Just one mom supporting another mom. Encouraging her. SEEing her. And letting her know we’re all in this together. And if we looked out for one another a little more each day, life maybe wouldn’t feel as hard.

Since then, I’ve been making efforts to change. If I think of doing something that’s good, I try to do it. And if I think of something kind to say, I try to say it. Even if it makes me a little uncomfortable sometimes (and sometimes, okay often, it does).

I wonder what the world would be like if each of us just did the nice things we think of doing and we said the nice things we think of saying. Instead of thinking it and not acting. And thinking it and not saying it. The world would change I think. People would change. And life would maybe feel a little bit easier.

If we think it, and it’s good, DO IT. If we think it, and it’s good, SAY IT. It really is as simple as that.

{This post was originally posted on the Or So She Says blog where I am a contributor this year.}

There are a LOT of new readers here on the blog, so I’m leaving this little introduction as it was on the original post to introduce myself to some of you.  I hope you’ll stick around.

Hey everybody! I started my blog for several reasons, but mostly to build a community of people who believe in using the Internet for GOOD. My main focus for blogging is just to help people in any way I can.  I write about all sorts of things.  I’m a photographer and a believer in telling the every day stories of our families through photos.  So I share lots of photography tips to help people take the right kind of photos.  I also share stories of hope to uplift and inspire, real life stories of real life people to inspire better understanding and more compassion, and ideas for living a healthier life in every aspect (spiritually, physically, and mentally).  Along with anything else I feel is useful, inspiring, or funny.

This is me with my family.  We’re kind of obsessed with Lake Powell.  It’s our happy place. 

Today I thought I’d share some of my tips to help you simplify life.  A very fitting topic as we enter a New Year and probably have ambitions of making this our best year yet.  I have been thinking a lot about this topic lately, of simplifying, and have been working hard at doing just that in every area of my life.  Sometimes I fail miserably.  But I think I’m making baby steps towards living a simpler life.

So.  Here are 9 strategies I use to simplify.  And this all comes with a disclaimer that my life is anything but simplified and easy.  But I do what I can to simplify where I can so I don’t get sent to the crazy bin.

1.  The first and most important step for me was to figure out my “WHY”.  Why I do what I do.  In every single area of my life.  Why I chose to become a parent.  Why I choose to be a stay-at-home mom.  Why I have a photography business.  Why I exercise.  Why I read.  Why I clean (or don’t clean) my house.  Why I sign my kids up for the activities I sign them up for.  Why I blog.  Why.  Why.  Why.

I ask myself that question a lot.  And I put in the work to figure out my underlying WHY.  Once I figured that out, all the decisions I make have to support my why.  Then, if certain things don’t align with my why, they get taken out of the equation.  A surprising amount of things were taken out of our lives and it definitely simplified things.  First things come first to make sure I’m supporting my goals (for myself AND for my family) and things that don’t matter as much get taken out of the day.

2.  Learn to say “NO”.  This seems to be hard for women and mothers.  We serve.  We help.  We people-please.  And we genuinely want to be able to do it all.  But, as we all know, we can’t.  Which requires us to say NO.  If we take the time to figure out our “why’s”, it makes saying no a little easier.  When we say “yes”, we’re saying “no” to something else.  And vice versa.  So if we put our first things first, we have to be okay with saying “no” to the other things.  And if we have a strong enough why, we won’t feel guilt for saying no (well, most the time anyway).

3.  Ask for help.  Again, seems to be hard for humans in general.  But I’m quickly learning, life is a lot easier if we GIVE help AND if we ASK for help.  Most people I know are genuinely happy to help other people.  But many times we just don’t know exactly what to do.  When we ask for help, we’re giving people an opportunity to do good.  It strengthens them to help, and it strengthens us to receive the help.  We belong to each other and we’re meant to take care of each other.  Life gets a little more simple when we’re willing to ask for help.

4.  Organize your digital photos.  I’m a photographer so I have to throw this one in there.  And it probably fits better in a post about being more organized, but being organized makes life simpler so I’m including this.  Photos are incredibly important to me for so many reasons.  But I was feeling dread (and guilt–because I’m a professional at worry and guilt) about organizing my years and years and years worth of photos on my computer.  I claimed they were important, but I couldn’t find what I was looking for easily, I wasn’t printing anything, and I wasn’t displaying anything.   Because they were disorganized.  But then I sat down one day and vowed I wouldn’t leave my computer until those photos were in order.  So I could find what I needed to easily.  And get rid of the guilt and dread I was feeling about it.  Forty-five minutes later, I was done organizing over 5 years worth of digital photos.  45 minutes.  And now when I want to print something, or my kids need something for a school project, I can find it quick and easy.

5.  Give your kids chores.  A few of my kids are old enough now they can start helping out quite a bit around the house.  I finally found a chore system that works great for us, and for the most part the kids are pretty good about doing their daily chores.  My oldest was complaining about having to work too much one Saturday and my response was “It’s not my job to pick up after you and take care of everything for you.  My job is to teach you how to do things for yourself.”  And we’re working hard around here to to do that.  Initially it’s a lot more work for me to teach them how to do things and then watch them spend 45 minutes trying to sweep a 2 foot square area. But over time, they’re getting better.  And it’s starting to pay off and make my life just a tiny bit easier.  And it’s teaching them they can do things for themselves.

6.  Get rid of stuff.  The past few months (and for the next year to come), I have been waging a war on excess.  It feels like my entire life consists of picking up crap.  All. Day. Long.  I have recently read 3 excellent books on the topic of excess and it’s motivated me to make some changes around here.  So I’ve been moving from room to room in our entire house and slowly getting rid of everything we don’t need.  Which, embarrassingly, is a lot of stuff.  The kids aren’t quite as pumped about it as I am, and anytime my 5 year old can’t find one of his toys he immediately starts crying and asks “Did you give it to the homeless shelter?”  But I’m determined to spend more time doing things together instead of filling our house with stuff we don’t need.  And if I never have to pick up another Lego, Polly Pocket, or stray sock it will be a good day.  The less we have, the less we all have to pick up.

7.  Give yourself a break on the spotless house.  I don’t do well with clutter.  It grieves my soul.  So I don’t like a messy, cluttered house.  But.  I also don’t like cleaning all day.  There are a lot of things I’d rather do than spend my life keeping my house spotless.  I do my best to keep the house picked up (the kids each have a zone they’re responsible for keeping clean) and counters cleared.  But the deep cleaning and mopping and vacuuming get done when they can (and honestly, mopping just makes me angry so it gets done rarely).  I don’t like mess, but I don’t stress about spotless.  And I have this sign hanging right by my front door to remind me to stress less about a perfectly clean house.  And it gives people a fair warning they won’t find a spotless house if they dare enter.8.  Quit folding laundry.  Laundry seems to be the one thing I hear moms lament about the most.  And oddly enough, it’s one thing that doesn’t overwhelm me.  Because I stopped folding my laundry and it’s pretty much the best thing ever.  If some of you have OCD tendencies, you’ll probably want to stop reading this and skip to the next number.  But if you want to save yourselves loads of time, forge ahead.  I wash all my laundry on Mondays, switching loads throughout the day.  It’s usually done by afternoon.  I sort the laundry into piles for each member of the family (there are 6 of us).  Once sorted, I put the clothes in a basket and put them on each person’s bed.  My 10 year old, 8 year old, and 5 year old are all responsible for putting their clothes away after that (the 5 year old still needs help hanging things up). They can fold if they want.  Or they can just throw it in the correct drawer.  I realized they were just messing up all the folding I was doing anyway, so we eliminated that step (although some kids still choose to fold).  And it simplified my laundry.  And my life.  Then whichever kid is driving me the most crazy that day gets to match all the socks 🙂

9.  Exercise.  I realize this may sound odd because adding one more thing in to your day wouldn’t simplify things.  But for me, exercise makes me feel better.  And when I feel better, life doesn’t feel quite as dramatic.  Exercising takes away some of my mental anguish and worry, and thus makes things feel more simple even if they maybe aren’t.

Take the time to figure out your WHY.  Why you’re here.  Why you do what you do.  What you want to do.  Where you want to go.  Who you want to be.   Filter everything through that why.  Learn to say “no” and ask for help.  Exercise, organize, and de-clutter.  And definitely quit folding your laundry.

Here’s to a New Year and a more simplified, manageable way of living.  I look forward to getting to know more of you. Do you have any other tips to help simplify your life? I’d love to hear what works for you!