Not today Satan. Not today.

Three times a week, I have a precious few hours in the morning with no kids at home.  Which means it’s sacred time.  Time where I can get some serious sh*t done.  I look forward to those few hours.  And plan ahead of what I’ll accomplish.  This morning I was going to move mountains.

I go through phases of motivation and excitement.  Periods of time where I’m sure that all the work I put in to things and the effort I put forth is pretty much good for nothing and helping no one.  And periods where I’m all fired up and ready to make things happen.  And create things for people that will actually make a difference in their lives.  I don’t like fluctuating so much between the two, but I think that’s just reality.

The problem.  It seems like every time I get fired up, excited, highly motivated and confident in what I’m doing, all hell breaks loose.  I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve heard the phrase “No good deed goes unpunished” in the last few weeks.  More times than I’ve heard it in my entire life since.  But then immediately the thought “You reap what you sew” pops into my head right after.  A constant struggle in the mind.

Is it worth it.  Is it not.

My husband came home this morning during the “sacred time” to meet the cable guy (who, as a sidenote, had a molestache like you wouldn’t believe–it was pretty amazing) and found me in tears.  I should definitely mention at this point that I rarely cry.  Like, ever.  Unless it’s an episode of Parenthood and then all the tears.  But really.  I don’t cry.  And there I was, a crying mess.  I had just hung up the phone with the most unhelpful Apple care customer service representative and was more frustrated than I’ve been in a long time.  She should probably lose her job.  Customer service is definitely not her mojo.  Nor is technical support.  And I’m pretty sure my husband was thankful the cable guy was there because holy train wreck of a wife–steer clear of that one (whaaaat the heck is wrong with her?).

You see, I got a brand new computer last Fall after my computer hard-drive failed (thankfully I didn’t lose any data because I back that baby up).  And it gave me trouble from the day I brought it home.  Hours and hours over the period of days on the phone with technical support.  But after some magician work from my computer genius who I finally had to call over, it was working well.  Until last week. When the hard-drive crashed.  Again.  So they sent me home with the same computer, new hard-drive.  And all was well until this morning when said computer wouldn’t work.  Again.

Long story short, I hate my computer.  But still love and need my computer.  And though I realize this issue is all relative and seemingly small on its own, it’s a big deal to me.  A big deal when there are things on that computer that I’m tired of transferring, and re-organizing, and trying again and again and again to carve out the time to do things that really matter.  To create things that will make a big difference in other people’s lives.  And to deliver things to people who are relying on me to deliver things that are on that computer.

So after I had a few frank words for the Apple “care” woman who should definitely not be in a customer service job (God still loves her though), and a very uncharacteristic melt down by me, I thought to myself “Does any of this even matter?  Is what I’m doing even worth the trouble?  Are the things I’m trying to create really going to make that big of a difference?  Does anyone even notice?  What if I just crawled back in to bed?  Forever.”

Dramatic.  I know.  But these are the thoughts I was having.

As I sat on the couch staring at the wall, I started to think about all that’s going on around me.  The people suffering. The world seemingly in turmoil and my little computer problem quickly spiraled into a world/life problem.  Does any of the stuff we do matter?  Do people notice?  Are we making a difference?  What if I didn’t put so much effort in to trying to build a business that helps people and just withdrew for a bit?

The bigger question–what if EVERYone stopped creating and DOing and putting light out in to the world?

Sometimes I have similar feelings and thoughts when I get bogged down in social media.  Especially lately as those in the USA are caught up in one of the most controversial presidential elections of all time.  Should I get off social media? Why am I even on here?  What’s the point?  Is what I’m doing here and what I’m sharing here making a difference in people’s lives?

And almost immediately this photo that I have saved in my camera roll popped in to my head.

Quite possibly the best meme.  Of all time.

Not today Satan.  Not today!

The things we do, the things we create, the things we put on social media, the things we say to other people, the time we sacrifice to make and do things for other people–they MATTER.  We matter.  Our efforts matter.

If we don’t share light, who will?  If we don’t balance the “dark” in social media with “light” what will happen to our world?  If we don’t show up every day and give what we have to give, who wins?  If there’s one thing Satan would love for us all to believe, it’s what we DO, what we give, what we create, what we share, what we say doesn’t matter.

Light matters.  And when we have light, I believe it’s our inherent duty to share it with others.

For as much bad and evil and awful there is on social media and in the world, we need an even greater amount of good and light in return. For all the times we feel like the things we’re doing don’t matter, we have to remember where the source of those thoughts are coming from.

And when we feel like crawling back in bed for the rest of forever, may we remember this photo.

Not today Satan.  Not today.