I sat in the stands of a high school soccer game a few years ago and was horrified at the things people were saying. And yelling. At the referees. At the players. At the coaches. At each other. Things I won’t even repeat on a family friendly blog. It was the worst I’ve ever seen/heard. I’m not one for confrontation so I eventually just had to get up and move out of the stands before I spanked someone in the face and told them how ridiculous they sounded. I was grateful my kids weren’t with me that day to see adults acting the way they were. And it has caused an internal debate on whether I want my kids playing team sports or not.
I grew up playing soccer and have spent my life out on the field instead of the stands. So I wasn’t prepared for what went on. When I was on the field, I would tune everything out (sometimes even my coach). But now that I’m a spectator at these sports, I’m seeing a whole new world. I think it’s getting worse than when I played sports. And I can’t say I like it.
By default I became the coach of my 7 year old daughters soccer team. I’m competitive. I like to win (who actually likes to lose?). But because of this one experience in the stands (piled on with other experiences on the sidelines at various sporting events–many of them with young kids) I became increasingly mindful of what I say to my team, how I say it, and when I say it. I tell them before every game and during every half-time “Play as hard as you can. Have fun. If someone steals the ball from you, you get it back. Be a good sport. Don’t ever, ever give up.” That’s it. No extra rewards for goals scored (or goals saved) besides a high-five and a “good job”. No pressure to do more than they can. No angry yelling. And definitely no shaming.
Thus far, I have been incredibly lucky with the parents of the kids on my team. But already, at the age of 7, I hear things coming out of parents (and coaches) mouths on other teams that make me want to shake them and ask “Why are we signing our kids up for team sports in the first place? What’s the point? What are the life lessons we’re trying to teach them through playing team sports?” If we keep those things in perspective, I think the yelling and screaming and name-calling and threats (yea, threats, at a 7 year old sporting event) would quickly come to an end.
May we all collectively be more mindful about the things we say at sporting events. Myself included. To the other team, the coaches, the referees, AND to our own kids. There is always an underlying “WHY” for signing our kids up for these things. Playing sports and on teams can be a life-altering experience for good OR bad. May we have a good solid WHY and may we keep that always in mind before anything comes out of our mouths.
Perhaps more cheering, more encouragement, more understanding for mistakes, more compassion, less anger, more love, more kindness. And more awareness that the things we say matter and they impact people in ways we may never know. Especially our own kids who are always listening and paying attention to what we say and do. We can be competitive without being a jerk. I promise.
Onto a lighter note. Photos that I took of our last game this season while coaching. I’m a multi-tasker like that.
She hates pulling her hair up which drives me crazy. I usually persuade her to, but forgot this day.
I have to remind these two to quit chatting throughout many of our games. I think sometimes they forget they’re even playing soccer.
You can see I take my job quite serious. (Photo credit–my 10 year old daughter)
Not sure why, but the after game “hand-shake” is always one of my favorite photos.
For a few weird reasons, we play many of our games without any subs (I use the goalie position as a rest for different players). They dominate anyway. Good, tough group of girls.
Man I love soccer. And that beautiful girl.
